Opinion: Revisiting “Modest Proposal”
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OK, let’s try this again. I think I have the hang of it now. Here’s what I meant to write in the “Modest Proposal” column that originally ran in the Sunday Current section on Jan. 21:
Where can President Bush find 21,500 more troops to send to Iraq? Here are two ideas.
1/ “Draft the newspaper editors, they seem to have all the answers!” OK, this one isn’t my idea, for obvious reasons. I stole it from an e-mail from someone in my previously suggested group, the Vietnam vets. However, as much as many readers expressed a preference for this option, I gotta tell you: Unless we’re going to challenge the insurgents to a game of winner-take-all Scrabble, I don’t like our odds with this bunch.
2/ “Draft the draft dodgers.” Now, this one came in a letter to the editor. This option has a strong following among readers. However, I think many of the draft dodgers went on to become lawyers, or president (no, not Bush, the guy before him.) But it might work. They’d get over there, file a bunch of class-action lawsuits against the insurgents, drag them into court, and pretty soon two things would happen: the insurgent suicide bombers would start killing just themselves, and we’d win the war, plus get a huge financial settlement. Of course, only 25 cents of every dollar would go to taxpayers.
(Legal disclaimer: The above Point No. 2 is fiction; any resemblance to any real person or event is purely unintentional. The author makes no claims as to its authenticity. The author also refuses to take responsibility for any hurt feelings by any person who believes said paragraph refers to him/her, and refuses to accept any e-mail, letters, etc., using foul language to describe said author and what he wrote.)
That’s it for now. And to all the readers who wrote, pro and con, on my actual “Modest Proposal,” it’s been an experience. What did my e-mails tell me?
Well:
1/ The troops didn’t “lose” the Vietnam War. Plenty of culprits were suggested, but space doesn’t permit.
2/ You can’t make light of Agent Orange and/or post-traumatic stress syndrome, even if it’s just part of work of satire.
3/ Opinion was pretty evenly split on the Harleys and the teeth. Some proudly ride Harleys, some don’t; some have their teeth, some – like me – don’t.
4/ 40 years later, most vets don’t much care for tired old stereotypes. And you know what -- who can blame them?
But, I met some folks I never would have otherwise, and we had some healthy exchanges, and I think I may even have persuaded a few that I am not, in the words of the e-mail from a priest in St. Louis, “a jackass.”
My final thought? As long as Americans preserve the ability to write what they think, say what they think, and honestly and openly debate what is written and said, without resorting to the brutal tactics of those who want to destroy us, America will be just fine.