‘Dancing With the Stars’: Waltz on

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Week 5 already, ballroom fans! On the program for the evening: the Viennese waltz and the pasodoble. And thanks to last week’s double elimination, there was less of a discrepancy between the top and bottom scorers, which kind of evened out the playing field a bit. Not to say that the leader board had changed all that much, but at least this week the highs were not so high and the lows not so drearily low. Continuing their hot streak at the top of the charts, unsurprisingly, were…

Gilles Marini and Cheryl Burke. And rightfully so. Their perfect-30 tango from the week before set the bar exceedingly high, but they surpassed it with their caliente pasodoble. Honestly, I thought this dance, set to Bizet’s “Carmen,” had more emotion and was better paced than last week’s. Gilles’ martial arts background helped him attack the routine. And he got extra cute points for bringing his son to the Wushu martial-arts center during rehearsal (“You’re going down, papa!”). I loved Gilles’ scruff and eyeliner. And his long body suited the leaned-back bullfighter stance perfectly. His shirtless stint at the beginning of the routine didn’t hurt, either. Carrie Ann called the dance “breathtakingly … passionate,” and a decidedly less-spray-tanned Bruno declared it “more than a dance — it was a battle for supremacy!” Len, however, stricken with what Tom called “pec envy,” peckishly thought it was a little too hectic and docked them a point for a total of 29.

Tied for second place were Lil’ Kim and Derek Hough and Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas. Both couples received a total score of 26 for their waltzes. Team Shark toned down the athleticism and ratcheted up the elegance this week, (thankfully) eschewing the misguided gym gear for some classier duds, and even Shawn’s hairdo made her look a decade older (though they kept it young by dancing to a Vanessa Carlton song). Bruno called it “sweetness and light and pretty as a picture,” and even Carrie Ann “Never Met a Lift I Didn’t Dock” Inaba chose not to take off a point for that last ‘artistic’ cradle in Mark’s arms as a reward for Shawn’s effort to keep her foot on the ground during that one turn. Score!

Also getting points for elegance and grace were Lil’ Kim and Derek Hough. And though Lil’ Kim’s gaping jaw has been distracting in the past, her open-mouthed look of genuine wonder and infectious delight actually worked and was really quite endearing as she floated around the dance floor this week. Also endearing — seeing her prancing about in her robe with Derek while on break from filming her bump-and-grind music video. It was a busy week for Lil’ Kim, but she came up aces. Chalk it all up to that Buddha board!

Dropping a couple notches were Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani, with a combined total of 25. Though, to be fair, their pasodoble was chock full of difficulty. Methinks Tony just got excited about Melissa’s potential and choreographed a routine that ended up over her head. And you could tell that she wasn’t quite on with her routine when her stern “intensity” face would break into smiles. Still, Bruno said she looked stunning, and she did: kind of like a bedazzled Carmen meets Esmeralda from Hunchback of Notre Dame. With face decals.

Chuck Wicks was insistent on breaking out of the middle of the pack this week, but his Viennese waltz with Julianne Hough did no such thing. He landed firmly in the middle with a score of 23. Len and Bruno lauded him for coming out of his shell, but I had to agree with Carrie Ann: Chuck’s cute-boy shtick is getting a little old, and he really needs to shape up and keep his focus. Though wasn’t it funny how Chuck mentioned that it was a tough week and he was busy losing at the casinos in Vegas, but there was not a peep about gf Julianne winning the ACM award for best new artist at the MGM Grand? Hope there isn’t any soreness between them.

I’m a little sore at David Alan Grier, whose Viennese waltz with Kym Johnson earned a total of 22. What was up with his sourpuss of a face during the judges’ critiques? DAG may have been judged unfairly throughout this competition, but the comments were definitely justified this week. Their routine started out strong (loved those big cherry-red feather fans!), but I don’t know whose idea it was to have Davy G strut out on his own, because he doesn’t look all that great doing it. And his and Kym’s turns looked like there was a mile of space between them. Though Bruno’s comment that his leg extension “looked like a dog at a lamppost” was undeniably harsh, I don’t think the comedian is winning any votes with his snooty posturing and pursed lips. Enough with the pouty-pout, DAG. It’s totally unbecoming.

And then we have Ty Murray. Admittedly, there were high hopes for his pasodoble with Chelsie Hightower, because this was a bullfighters’ dance, and well, he’s a bull rider! If anyone knows their way around a bull, it’s him. They even had a cute segment where he brought Chelsie out to ride and everything. It all seemed to be so easy breezy for the rodeo rider. You ride the bull, you play with the cape. Except that he couldn’t get out of his rigid posture long enough really to have fun with the dance. Even the energy from Heart’s “Barracuda” failed to give the routine any bite. At least he didn’t look like he was strangling his partner when he held Chelsie by the neck in one of their turns. But Bruno called the routine “too stiff,” and Carrie Ann thought Ty was thinking too much. They ended up with a total of 21.

Just a point behind were Lawrence Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska, with 20. The good news: Edyta’s leg warmers are back! The bad news: Their pasodoble took a while to get its footing (despite some fierce dusty-rose satin-cape action) and was lacking in the technical department. LT said it’s hard for him to dance to music that doesn’t have a definitive beat. So I’m assuming the dancers don’t get to choose their own music? (Which is unfortunate — I kind of pictured LT really attacking a routine set to a hard-rocking tune, a la Mel B’s paso from Season 5, set to En Vogue’s “Free Your Mind.”) Does this mean that LT will be giving his Florida golf buddies a lap dance instead? And will it involve that dusty-rose cape? One can only hope.

Bringing up the rear were Jackass Steve-O and Lacey Schwimmer. Steve-O, who, despite channeling his inner clown for his sweetly innocent Viennese waltz, which Len claimed was his best dance to date, only managed to score a total of 18 for his efforts. After a couple mopey weeks, it was refreshing to see Steve-O a little more chipper and upbeat this time around. Having his fellow Jackasses over for rehearsal was a good move (particularly enjoyed Johnny Knoxville’s Karate Kid Daniel-san headband, even though he never, ever took off his sunglasses), and it’s a lot more appealing to see Steve-O’s sweetly sad-sack clown as a character during a routine rather than as a real-life persona. Plus, a big metronome-five for keeping in time and showing some musicality! There may be a winner in him yet. Though will his Marcel Marceau impression, complete with beret, pull him through to another week?

Methinks DAG, LT and Steve-O all have a fair chance of landing in the bottom two (though if judging on poopy attitude alone, DAG should get the boot). What do you think, folks? Who do you think will face off in Tuesday night’s dance-off, and who do you think should get their walking papers? Post below, and check in Wednesday for the results!

— Allyssa Lee