There Is a Life After Pitching

Houston Astros reliever Charlie Kerfeld, before undergoing shoulder surgery last week, made a list of five career options if it turns out he no longer can pitch.

“Arena Football is first,” he told the Sporting News. “Then the World Wrestling Federation. Maybe go back to college and get a brain surgery degree. Or become an assistant clubhouse man. Or go to Harry Wendelstedt’s umpiring school.”

Once asked what he would do if told he had only a week to live, Kerfeld said, “I’d get Hulk Hogan, Brian Bosworth, Charles Barkley and I’d have a four-man tag team match with the Four Horsemen.”

Asked who he would most like to see if he could go back in history, he said, “I’d go back there and fight Caesar and take Cleopatra.”

It-had-to-happen Dept.: “Devon White just doesn’t look comfortable at the plate,” Angel announcer Joe Torre said in the third inning Thursday night.

Base hit.

Tom Weir of USA Today, on Mike Tyson’s beleaguered manager, Bill Cayton: “He hasn’t helped his image any by nodding off at ringside before his fighter’s last two fights in Atlantic City.”

Trivia Time: If Steffi Graf wins the gold medal at Seoul, she will be the first woman to win singles titles at Wimbledon and the Olympic Games since whom? (Answer below.)

42 Years Ago Today: In the first All-Star game played at Fenway Park, Boston’s Ted Williams gave the home fans a treat, hitting two home runs as the American League won, 12-0. Williams was 4 for 4, scoring 4 runs and knocking in 5. His second homer came off a blooper pitch by Pittsburgh’s Rip Sewell.

From Stan Isle of the Sporting News: “Remember Phil (The Vulture) Regan, who pitched 13 seasons for the Tigers, Dodgers, Cubs and White Sox? He’s managing the Visalia Oaks, where his top reliever is Buddy Buzzard.”

Wally Backman of the New York Mets, on teammate Randy Myers, the new ace of the bullpen: “The whole league knows he’s missing a few screws. But I think that works to his advantage. I’m just glad he’s on my side. I don’t know what he’s like in a fight but he’s got to be crazy.”

Myers has been compared to Al Hrabosky, the onetime Mad Hungarian, but he doesn’t want to hear about it.

“I think Hrabosky was crazy,” he said. “Sometimes I have a blank stare, but it’s because I’ve got so many things to think about.”

Add Myers: He’s one of the hardest throwers in the league and might be the only one who lifts weights during a game.

Said fellow pitcher Bob Ojeda, asked if he’d like to have Myers’ fastball: “Not if I have to have his brain.”

Attention, Al Davis: If you’re looking for someone to get the ball deep to Tim Brown this fall, here’s what Boston’s Ellis Burks said about Kansas City’s Bo Jackson after Jackson doubled up Spike Owen with a throw to first Monday night: “I’ve never seen an arm like the one that threw that ball from left field.”

Trivia Answer: Helen Wills of the United States. An eight-time Wimbledon champion, she won the Olympic gold medal in 1924, the last year tennis was an official sport in the Games.

Quotebook

CBS announcer Jim Nantz, at a roast of University of Miami football Coach Jimmy Johnson: “The only time Jimmy didn’t run up the score was 27 years ago, when he took the SAT.”