Reporter’s Notebook : He’s Going Cold Turkey for the Rights of Animals

It’s a warm, beautiful, sunny afternoon on the waterfront in warm, beautiful, sunny Laguna Beach. And why would some people go down to Laguna Beach on such a warm, beautiful, sunny afternoon? To swim? Surf? Tan? Ogle? Kick sand at weaklings?

Of course not. They want to protest people who buy and sell furs!!!!

Now, there aren’t a lot of people who go to the beach these days with furs on, let alone much of anything else. In fact, most of the people on the strand seem to be absorbed in such socially innocuous activities as frolicking, picnicking and just plain enjoying themselves.

Still, armed with placards that showed minks, foxes, raccoons, squirrels, opossums, skunks and all manner of cuddly little beasts clearly terrorized by the notion of winding up on the back of some society matron, about 50 demonstrators descended on Main Beach a few days ago to display their disdain for evildoers whose trade includes the skins of dead animals.

These were animal rights activists, in no way to be confused with old-fangled environmentalists. Animal rights activists believe that each individual animal, each little kitty and puppy and parakeet and chinchilla and slug, deserves at least as much individual respect and dignity as we do. Maybe more, if you take congressmen, lawyers, stockbrokers and TV preachers into account.

Every once in a while, animal activists get so worked up over man’s inhumanity to beast that they storm restaurants that serve veal and other exotic animal dishes or raid a medical laboratory to free monkeys and guinea pigs and other creatures imprisoned inside. Recently, someone even set fire to such a facility in Alabama.

Usually, however, they just peacefully picket, as they did in Laguna Beach. And that action wasn’t quite as kooky as it might seem. A few blocks away was a salon that occasionally stocks fur stoles and coats. Animal activists think stores should take all such things off the racks and stick to polyester, dacron and God’s other synthetic gifts.

Now, I’ve always thought anyone who would plunk down lots of money to wrap themselves in something that once belonged to Bambi, Rocky, Bullwinkle, Bugs or whatever is a bit goofy, but then I’ve never understood why people would shell out thousands of dollars to buy an old costume that Elvis once wiggled around in or the likeness of a soup can on a canvas by Andy Warhol.

Like most of us, I’ve been pretty cavalier when it comes to my concern for animal life. And I admit it, I’ve gnawed on more than my share of fried chicken, nibbled on many a bratwurst and pork chop and sliced into a juicy steak or two.

But no more. Thanks to Amanda Ballard, I’m going, pardon the expression, cold turkey. Ballard, of Anaheim, is an animal activist who represents something called People for Reason in Science and Medicine. She made me realize that not only is it coldhearted and cruel to kill animals for their skin and meat, it’s downright dangerous and shortsighted to use them in medical experiments.

That may sound surprising, because most experts say the only way to develop new vaccines and drugs to fight disease is to test them on animals first. Not so, insist Ballard and friends. In fact, she said, such tests backfire and actually cause disease and deformity, because people react differently to medicines than do animals.

Sure, there are mistakes, but what about the polio vaccines, the cancer treatments, the antibiotics and other wonder drugs, all perfected through animal tests?

“Very harmful. . . . Many people now are dying of SV-40 virus,” she said, “which is a fatal brain cancer that humans get from the polio vaccine. . . . Multiple sclerosis we attribute to different vaccines. Actually, polio came from smallpox vaccine originally.

“Also AIDS. We attribute AIDS to the pollution in the atmosphere, the vaccines, the drugs people take. The reason that we feel gays are getting AIDS so bad is that they take antibiotics all the time to try to prevent getting venereal diseases.”

Not exactly conventional wisdom, mind you, but enough to make you question your faith in medical science. Salk, Sabin, Pasteur, Curie. The irresponsible fiends.

So next time you come home beat, bushed and angry after a miserable day at the office, don’t kick the dog, throw the cat out or snarl at the pet gerbil and goldfish.

Set them a place at the dinner table. Take them out for their birthday. Maybe give them their own room, day care, a TV or a stereo so they won’t get bored when they’re all alone.

Give them the dignity and respect they deserve. Who knows? Someday one of them might find a cure for cancer.