The Fall of the House of Yuppie

They’ve died a thousand times and still they are with us. So the time has come once again to ask: Whither the yuppies?

It was in early 1983 that I discovered the first North American yuppies: Dirk Miller and Bree Wellington. I found them wandering lost in the parking lot of Bay Gauche, a rambling condominium complex. They had misplaced their Beamer and were exploring what that meant to their relationship.

In the weeks ahead, I will be speaking to them again and seeing where they have been, where they are going and who they think they are now. This, part of a special series: Yuppies in the ‘90s--Has the Dream Become a Nightmare or What?

They are no longer young. They are no longer urban. And they have changed companies at least twice in the past five years. They care more about fighting drugs than finding them. They give less to the homeless. But they do care about the planet.

They’ve changed but they still possess a certain quality that I will call yuppitude, a combination of style and attitude. I can call it that because I made these people up and I can break them.

Every year since those yuppies crawled out of their condo and into our lives, the press has been reporting their demise. But rumors of their death seem to be greatly exaggerated--mainly by their cohorts. The fall of the house of yuppie represents a yuppie death wish on the part of peers unable to enter the crowded job, first-home buyer and produce market.

I offer as evidence of the unstoppable life force of the yuppie movement a yuppie sighting in Tijuana, Mexico. It is a town not normally associated with upscale movements. But there in a children’s shoe store, I found a poster with large Day-Glo pink letters. It said: Yuppies Estan Super! Translation: Yuppies Are Great!

It turns out “Yuppies” is the brand name of a line of children’s shoes made in Mexico. Yuppies are little penny loafers, wing tips and black pumps. These are shown in the poster along with a photo of Los Yuppadores --children dressed in stylish clothes and dancing in a disco. The music is supplied by a rock band composed of other stylish children playing an electric guitar, electric keyboard and drums. On the big drum is the name of the group: The Yuppies.

The message for our yuppitos to the South seems to be: If you want to be cool, wear these little leather business shoes and get out there and part-tee.

And why not? What parent doesn’t want to see her child get ahead? What Third World parent wouldn’t be proud to see his child go from poverty to luxury?

Only in Los Estados Unidos would we dare criticize the sin of ambition--the quality yuppies have been mercilessly teased about.

We want poor folks to have ambition. That’s our beef with the homeless. But we laugh at ambition in the middle class, because getting ahead in a world of plenty--plenty of cars, VCRs, salad bars--seems to mean just keeping up with the latest fads.

So the yuppies of the ‘80s must get a make-over in the ‘90s. As fad hags, they know they’ve had it. Yuppies are sick of themselves.

How do I know?

Hey, cultural promiscuity is my life.

Next: Keeping up with Dirk and Bree: an exclusive interview.