Q & A : Bad Behavior: Guilty as Charged?

Question: Do you think good manners are in decline?

Irving (Swifty) Lazar, agent :

“They sure are. They’re in decline just like every other phase of social life. Consider that a movie star of some renown will come to his own opening without a tie and with greasy hair and holes in his jeans, and his girlfriend is dressed from the Gap. Norma Shearer and Vivien Leigh and Greta Garbo went out to the supermarket in clothes they got from Chanel. They wouldn’t be seen looking as if they were destitute and unkempt. When Errol Flynn and Ronald Colman and Gary Cooper went to the drugstore to get some aspirin, they would be dressed like gentlemen.”

Leon Max, fashion designer :

“To put it in historical perspective, manners probably have been declining since the time people stopped writing letters to each other. The telephone is very impersonal. You go through answering machines and call-waiting systems, and no one begins a fax, ‘Dear so-and-so.’ The most annoying service is the one the phone company has now where your calls are pre-screened by an operator. You call someone up, an operator asks who is calling, then gets back on the line and says so-and-so will or won’t take your call. But, on the bright side, you can dial someone on the freeway with your car phone and fax them a picture of your finger.”

Nancy Silverton, co-owner, Campanile restaurant and La Brea Bakery :

“In my own family, yes. Half the time, my children eat with one knee on the chair. Sometimes I have the time to tell them to sit properly, but--this is pathetic--if at that second someone calls from the restaurant and needs me, I don’t have the time to deal with it. As far as when people eat at a restaurant, certain things don’t offend me, like eating a salad with your fingers. But if someone doesn’t like a table they’re shown to, they’ll pull on the maitre d’s jacket, raise their voices and accuse him of finding the worst possible seat in the place. Any restaurateur wants to be as accommodating as possible. I think everybody could use a little Emily Post in their lives today.”

Jeff Margolis, director of Monday night’s 64th Annual Academy Awards telecast :

“Not really, I really don’t. Our lives are becoming so complex. I notice what my kids deal with at ages 6 and 9. There’s so much more stuff in our lives that we just tend not to remember to do things like light cigarettes or open doors for women. But good people are basically well-mannered and take the time to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘you look nice.’ ”

Don Ernstein, owner, Wonderful Parties Wonderful Foods catering :

“It’s hit or miss. People don’t take the time to return a smile or say hello to strangers. I was at Mrs. Gooch’s shopping for vegetables and I was smiling at everybody. I said to the woman next to me, ‘Gee these tangerines are really beautiful.’ I got no response, just a strange look. When I cater a party, my staff and I all hold hands before it starts and thank a higher power for the work, and we bless the food and remember that this is a party. It’s about having a wonderful time and being kind to people.”