No wonder our schools are in trouble:...

No wonder our schools are in trouble: The Shooting Star photo agency in Hollywood passed along a request it received from a Northern California publisher for the following photos to be used in “a supplement to a high school history textbook.”

* The cast of “Star Trek.”

* “Godzilla Attacking Tokyo.”

Presumably it will relate the amazing economic recovery Japan made after the evil lizard was destroyed.

Tricks of the trade: A downtown panhandler, who had the unmistakable look of pregnancy, said she needed money for food. So a sympathetic passerby gave her $3. Later that day, the passerby happened to see the panhandler, who no longer looked pregnant; in fact, she looked slim. “Must have been a pretty easy delivery,” the passerby said. The panhandler just winked.

Together at last: In the published list of donors to The Times’ Summer Camp Fund, we noticed: “Mr. & Mrs. Dan & Murphy Quayle ($25).”

Dueling signs: Jack Solomen felt himself pulled in two directions when he saw this directional display in the Santa Clarita Valley (see photo).

A clean, well-lighted, List of the Day: American Airlines’ magazine contains the top finishers in the most recent Imitation Hemingway Competition, of which it is a co-sponsor. The winning entry was set in Century City, where we’re sure Papa would have loved to go hunting. Some excerpts:

* Winner: “It was early morning and the sun was bright and painful and rising on the tall glass towers when the rocket exploded to announce the release of the bulls and we all rushed out to see the big, brave, mature and viciously horny bills toss the TV executives as they came up the escalators.” (Ken Bash, “Big Too-Hardened Liver.”)

* Runner-up: “He felt lonely. He wondered if the bulls were lonely. If Herb Alpert said bulls get lonely, then it must be so, he thought.” (Sandra Gallegos, “A Farewell to Menudo.”)

* Runner-up: “How are you called?” asked the young man. “Aldente,” the old man said. “I am called Aldente and I come from West Covina. And thee?” (Jaime David Silverman, “For Whom the Egg Fries.”)

The magazine also offered some Faulkner imitations, but the sentences were too long to reproduce here. Truly.

In the company of stars: The 30th anniversary of the death of Marilyn Monroe moved Warren Davidson of Rancho Palos Verdes to send us this classified ad that he found in The Times about a decade ago. He terms it “the ultimate in California real estate speculation.”

Kind of a CHUNKY higher power: Raechel Donahue of Santa Monica wrote Nose magazine to “share a moment I witnessed at an actors’ A.A. meeting. A woman . . . launched her description of getting in touch with her spirituality: ‘My higher power, whom I choose to call Elvis. . . .’ ”

The latest traffic malady: When we heard about a rush-hour jam in the McClure Tunnel in Santa Monica the other day, we were reminded that this type of occurrence has become so common it’s been given a name by Prof. Herb Caen of the San Francisco Chronicle:

Car-Pool Tunnel Syndrome.

miscelLAny:

Julie Angula , 23, and David Berg, 27, decked out in bathing suits, will take their wedding vows on Sunday at San Dimas’ Raging Waters, site of their first date. Gary Mayes of Santa Ana’s Faith Community Church will conduct the ceremony--on a raft. Thirteen other ministers declined to participate.