CULTURE WATCH : Can’t Kiss Off Those Love Bites

Quick! Call the ACLU! This is the worst case of uncivil no-rights we’ve ever seen. When three health care clinics in Brawley banned visible hickeys, we were amazed. A total travesty of our constitutional guarantee to pursue happiness. Besides, we thought hickeys went out with rumble seats.

So we did a micro-survey and found we were wrong.

Maya, 15, a student at an exclusive Westside prep school, says “Hickeys are cool. Kids like to show them off. Sometimes we wear clothes to highlight them. It’s a boast that you can get a guy or a girl.”

Mike X., a Silver Lake writer, says that at 36, he still gives good hickeys: “I have a Dracula thing. There’s something very sensual about sinking your teeth into someone else’s flesh. You make a big old red mark and you can’t go around saying ‘I did that’ but you really want to.”

Christina B., 28, of Van Nuys, says she’s given up hickeys since her marriage. “It doesn’t look nice for the kids.”