Getting Help to Begin to Let Go

If separated couples or individuals decide that therapy would be helpful in dissolving their relationship, care should be exercised in selecting professional services.

There are three types of help available: that provided by trained doctors, nurses and psychologists, available through individual counseling or group therapy; self-help groups facilitated by trained volunteers, and volunteers supported by professionals at a religious or mental-health institution.

In selecting one of these, consider the following criteria:

* Ask for credentials and referrals from former clients when considering a therapist. Also ask family or friends for referrals, especially those who have gone through divorce counseling.

* Make sure the professional or volunteer facilitator specializes in divorce recovery. Specialized counseling that may be beneficial for divorce survivors include anger, blended families, co-dependent relationships, forgiveness, grief therapy, single parenting and sexual dysfunctions and abuse.

* Gain an understanding of the goals the counselor sets out to achieve. “In Orange County, so many recovery programs offer almost no incentives for reconciliation, so very often there isn’t any incentive to pursue it,” says Phil Hall, founder and director of the Centers for Psychological Growth and Development in Tustin, Anaheim Hills and Cypress.

* Don’t be afraid to switch therapists if results are not consistent with your goals. Says one Huntington Beach divorcee: “I went through four different people before I was able to make the decision to separate and divorce.”