Taking Care of Parents : Geriatric-care managers help family members coordinate long-term help for seniors.

“I couldn’t be Superwoman and do it all anymore,” said Sandi Berman of Chatsworth. “I lost 30 pounds in 30 days. I was at the bottom of a black hole. I could no longer deal with it alone.”

After several years of bearing the complete responsibility of caring for her senile and debilitated parents, managing their legal and financial affairs, making all their medical decisions and coordinating their living arrangements, while also trying to fulfill her multiple obligations as mom, wife and elementary school teacher, Berman, 51, finally admitted she needed help.

When the stress forced her to take several months off work, Berman turned to Nancy Wexler, a private geriatric-care manager in Tarzana.

“Nancy did anything I wanted her to do,” Berman said. “She visited my mother. She transported my parents. She called the doctors. When my parents had to move into various facilities, she located and researched the places. She took care of all the burdens. I went through lots of hell, but Nancy made my journey easier.”

Like Berman, a growing number of adult children struggle to care for aging relatives while juggling other commitments. People 85 and older are the fastest-growing segment of the population in the United States, and more than half of them need assistance with daily living activities. The average woman--and the vast majority of care-givers are women--will spend more years assisting feeble elderly relatives than raising children.

The field of geriatric-care management was established over the past decade to help family members coordinate long-term care for seniors. Most geriatric-care managers, who charge about $40 to $150 an hour, have backgrounds in social work, psychotherapy, gerontology or nursing, with extensive training and experience working with older people.

“Many of my clients feel sandwiched in. They work demanding jobs and have young children, so when their parents need help, they feel guilty, they feel overwhelmed. They don’t know where to turn,” said Wexler, author of “Mama Can’t Remember Anymore: How to Manage the Care of Aging Parents.” “Some of my clients are 65 or older, with parents in their 90s or 100s. And at least a third of my practice is made up of families who live out of town and need me to monitor their parents’ care.”

Geriatric-care managers visit seniors at home to identify problems, evaluate the situation and develop solutions. “We look at everything,” Wexler said. “We open the refrigerator to see what kind of food they are eating. We assess the family dynamics, how depressed they are and their cognitive status. And we figure out ways to meet their needs. In many cases, once the sons and daughters know what to do, they can handle it on their own.”

Depending on a senior’s particular circumstances and financial situation, a geriatric-care manager may arrange for housecleaning and meal delivery, coordinate recreational and social activities and locate companions to assist with cooking, medications and transportation. They determine eligibility for public assistance and oversee home nursing or medical services. When placement in a board and care home or convalescent facility becomes necessary, geriatric-care managers offer guidance and recommendations.

Aileen Miller, for example, began realizing that all was not well with her mother, Doreen Olivera, back in 1991. At first, the older woman, who lived in Lompoc, seemed confused during their daily phone conversations. She began claiming a baby was with her; other times she said a stranger was in her living room. Miller, 54, who lives in Arleta, would frantically notify the police, who would find Olivera clutching a doll or frightened of the television.

Miller arranged for a family friend to stay with her mother six hours a day and a niece stopped by every evening. Miller called three times daily and made frequent visits. Then one evening last year, the tenuous situation crumbled. Olivera fell while she was alone and was found wandering around her yard the next morning, bloody and bruised.

Miller brought her mother, who was now completely senile and incontinent, into her own home, but the job of providing 24-hour care was more than she could handle. “I wasn’t getting any rest. I cried every day. My whole body went haywire,” she said. “I couldn’t function. I didn’t have a life. I was always irritable and upset.”

Miller turned for advice to Wexler, who recommended that Olivera, who is now 84, be placed in a family-run board and care facility in Panorama City, a few miles from Miller’s home. It was the most difficult thing she had ever done, Miller said. “I felt like I was throwing my mother away--that I should be the one feeding and dressing her. But she seems so happy here. The owners of this home know how to work with her, and they understand my mom and me. We click perfectly.”

WHERE TO GO

What: A free referral to a geriatric-care manager.

Write: National Assn. of Professional Geriatric Care Managers at 1604 N. Country Club Road, Tucson, Ariz., 85716.

Call: (602) 881-8008.

What: “Mama Can’t Remember Anymore: How to Manage the Care of Aging Parents” by Nancy Wexler.

Price: Send $10.95 (includes tax, shipping, and handling) to Gerontology Associates, P.O. Box 572499, Tarzana, 91357.

Call (818) 342-3136.