Bruins May Have Passed on Chance to Win

Downey’s California:

--Kareem Abdul-Jabbar would have scored easily Saturday had he been 7 feet 2.

--The guy who missed his block on UCLA’s final play is going to have a long, long, long, long day when the players view the film.

--Before the end of a 38-31 defeat, UCLA should have run the old “throw the ball into the end zone” play again and again. Teams trying to score a touchdown have found this play very useful.

--Oregon has defeated Utah, Illinois and UCLA, and does not play USC. So, I can definitely see the Ducks going 11-0 before Penn State continues the new New Year’s tradition of beating the hell out of them.

--All I have to say about USC’s opponent Saturday is that Houston is a very fine city for professional basketball.

--Well, I totally sympathize with golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez, who is suing the makers of the new movie, “To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar,” for naming a character Chi Chi Rodriguez without his permission. Personally, I would have named the characters Wong Rodriguez and Chi Chi Foo.

--In the film, the Chi Chi character likes to dress up in women’s clothes. I have actually seen hundreds of golfers do this.

--No truth to rumors that the script originally co-starred Patrick Swayze as “Jackie Nicklaus” and Wesley Snipes as “Samantha Snead.”

--The lawsuit objects to the Chi Chi character’s “numerous disreputable acts.” What, does he get accused of slow play and not replacing his divot?

--OK, all in favor of Dennis Rodman becoming a Laker, raise your hands.

--True, he’s no saint. But let’s not assassinate Rodman’s character when the Lakers have had several players who have been in trouble with the law. Rodman’s a flake, not a crook.

--I would object if Rodman keeps removing his shoes at courtside. Fans at the Forum pay too much money to sit there smelling his stinky socks.

--There were 100 cops waiting for Sammie Smith when the former NFL running back drove up Thursday with 15 pounds of cocaine inside his car. Otherwise, Sammie’s plan was perfect.

--I am beginning to see a connection between prison overcrowding and NFL expansion.

--”To Harry Caray. Thanks for Nothing. Hideo Nomo.”

--What the L.A. Kings really need is for Wayne Gretzky to buy them and become hockey’s first center-owner.

--The team’s motto this season is: “We’re Broke. Fix Us.”

--There is going to be a team in the NHL this season called the Colorado Avalanche. I can hear kids in the mall now: “Mommy, buy me an Avalanche shirt.” “Daddy, I want to grow up to be an Avalanche.” “Look! Over there! I think he’s an Avalanche!”

--I intend to call them Les Avs.

--An announcement was made that the 1996 Atlanta Olympics will be smoke-free. Does this include the torch?

--Nebraska won, 77-28, Saturday, dominating Arizona State in every department, including players out on bail.

--I believe that there are football players out there who will be charged someday with assault with a Heisman Trophy.

--Northwestern blew a 28-7 lead Saturday. In a related story, Lou Holtz’s back felt better.

--Michigan’s Tshimanga Biakabutuka is virtually impossible to say behind the line of scrimmage.

--Hmmm. TV cameras reportedly have caught Tom Lasorda snoozing on the Dodger bench. This could explain five months of playing that shortstop.

--If I know Lasorda, he’ll have a No-Doz endorsement within a week.

--My advice to the Angels is: Be calm. Relax. If you lose this thing, so what? You’ll love playing next year in St. Louis.

--I never dreamed that the New York Yankees would have to “hold off the Seattle Mariners” in a pennant race. The Yankees holding off the Mariners is like United States soldiers holding off Grenada.

--You couldn’t pay me to watch Mike Tyson fight on free TV.