A Trend Grows in Irvine: Dads Help Out at School

IRVINE —  It all started on a quiet Saturday morning two years ago in the lavatories at El Camino Real Elementary School.

A few fathers, brought together by a desire to somehow get involved in their children’s education, decided to buy a few cans of paint and spruce up the shabby restrooms--a project that the school district could not afford.

“We said we needed four to five guys for the job. But 25 guys showed up. It was overwhelming,” said Jeff Stark, a father and owner of a La Habra moving company.

“It showed that there was a need for an outlet where fathers could come together and help out,” Stark said. “It showed there were a lot of us out there.”

So began Camino Dads in Action, one of a growing number of “fathers groups” that are quietly breaking taboos and bringing a new level of parental involvement to schools across Orange County.

Since its inception over brush strokes, Dads in Action has seen its membership grow to 125. Interest has remained steady even though it took time for the fledging organization to find its place in an education community dominated by female volunteers.

Similar fathers groups have formed in recent years at several Newport Beach schools. Dads, grandfathers, older brothers and community members regularly join together in western Costa Mesa to discuss school issues over breakfast.

Early on, organizers saw the group primarily as a vehicle for dads to undertake physical maintenance, fund-raising and other tasks that the school district could not provide.

But as they got together, the men discovered a common need to talk about the struggles of fatherhood, from disciplining children to balancing the pressures of work and family.

So the group broadened its focus to include regular parent seminars on such topics as puberty and anger management.

“When we first began meeting, this was all unknown territory,” said Hogan Hilling, another Dads in Action founder. “What we eventually realized we wanted was the opportunity to talk about issues of fatherhood and our relationship with our children. It’s something most of us don’t usually have a chance to discuss.”

Their efforts have increased parental involvement at El Camino Real School, which educators said is bound to make a difference in their kids’ futures.

“There is definitely a correlation between dad involvement and kids’ success,” said Gene Bedley, El Camino Real’s principal before retiring last year and a nationally recognized authority on schooling. “When you have a dad investment in this area, the children achieve more in school . . . and are more knowledgeable.”

Steve McArthur, a former Irvine school board member and member of Dads in Action, agreed. “It’s nice to have small class sizes,” he said, “but if mom and dad aren’t paying attention, you have trouble.”

The group was conceived during discussions among several active fathers and Bedley. While most of the group’s founders had long been involved in school activities, they detected a growing interest in volunteerism from their neighbors and co-workers as well--especially after the Irvine Unified School District suffered financial losses as part of the county’s December 1994 bankruptcy.

The fathers’ interest is also fueled by the realization that they need to help their children appreciate education and avoid drugs, crime and other problems.

Before Camino Dads in Action, some fathers had difficulty finding a volunteer outlet. Hilling, for example, attended PTA meetings but found it slightly uncomfortable being the only man in the group.

“A lot of men have to deal with the cultural standards we set for fathers and mothers,” said Hilling, a stay-at-home father of three. “People see the mother as the nurturing caretaker and the father as the provider, protector and disciplinarian.”

Dads in Action, McArthur said, gives fathers the opportunity to get involved in school affairs without feeling out of place.

“There is a mind-set out there that when it comes to school, mom can help but there isn’t much dad can do,” he said. “We were raising the consciousness that fatherhood is an important part of the educational process.”

Soon after the group was formed, several fathers began dropping by school to share lunch with kids. Stark said his first lunch visit convinced him that his involvement was crucial,

“They got so turned on that dad was there,” Stark said. “You saw the look in their eyes, and I knew this really mattered to them.”

Over the last two years, Camino Dads in Action has held a fund-raiser to buy computers for the school, sponsored a father-son discussion group on puberty and put on a forum on anger management and discipline.

In the year to come, the dads hope to complete more maintenance projects as well as discuss how they can better connect with their children.

“The general philosophy is that we only have 18 years, so don’t let them fly by,” Stark added. “Every day is important.”