Punch Lines

Blowin’ in the Wind: “How about the coverage of Hurricane Bonnie? You ever notice, whenever there’s a hurricane, they always show one reporter standing in the middle of a street in a raincoat by himself? The streets are empty, and they’re the only one out there. Get off the street!” (Jay Leno)

Getting Wind of It: “Maybe it’s me, but why do the news teams always send their skinniest reporters to cover high winds? In a 100-mph hurricane? I like Judy Woodruff, but she turns into a kite! You need men of girth. Put Al Roker out there, Willard Scott!” (Leno)

Food for Thought: According to Rolling Stone magazine, the McDonald’s logo is better known than the Christian cross. “Well, of course. How many times have you driven cross-country, saw McDonald’s and went, ‘Thank God. I’m starving’?” (Andrew Wisot)

Rat Race: HBO’s “The Rat Pack” depicted Frank, Dino, Sammy and Peter as drinking, smoking and gambling womanizers. “Every teen should see this movie. It shows that you don’t have to do drugs to have a good time.” (Argus Hamilton)

On Top: John Gotti and his son were videotaped at a prison visit, providing possible evidence that the younger Gotti holds a top position in the Gambino family. “Duh, really? I had no idea . . . no way . . . oh, come on.” (Chris Pina)

By a Hair: “The first person to be hurt by the approval of a bill banning leaf blowers statewide is Don King, who uses one to dry his hair.” (Earl Hochman)

Phone Abuse: LaToya Jackson is suing ex-husband Jack Gordon, claiming he beat her and tried to make her operate a phone-sex service. “Phone sex with LaToya? Even President Clinton is going, ‘Ewwwwww!’ “(Premiere Radio)

Rump Shaker: There was a 3.2 earthquake this week. “It wasn’t too bad, but it was bad enough to knock Stella out of her groove again.” (Leno)

Bombs R Us: Hasbro has introduced a new gizmo called Sound Bites. “It’s a lollipop holder shaped like an electric toothbrush that sends vibrations through the teeth to the inner ear. “Sound Bites lets kids hear sounds and voices inside their heads that no one else can. It comes in ‘Son of Sam,’ ‘Jeffrey Dahmer’ and ‘Unabomber’ models.” (Ira Lawson)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.