George Jetson Would Be Disappointed

Live in Fresno while commuting to L.A.?

That dream of so many Angelenos once seemed possible to a writer quoted in the new book “Uncle John’s Indispensable Guide to the Year 2000.”

Author Mitchell Gordon predicted in 1966 that by the year 2000, a worker would be able to whiz 300 miles through a tube in just 45 minutes.

He would simply “board his reserved-seat air-cushion coach at 8:15 a.m.” Gordon wrote. “It would lift off the roadbed, whirl around an ‘acceleration loop’ and plunge into the main tube running from Seattle to San Diego. Little more than half an hour later, the car would peel off on the ‘deceleration loop’ in downtown Los Angeles. By 9 a.m., the executive would be at his desk.”

Too bad it turned out to be just a lot of hot air.

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BAD FUR DAY FOR OFFICER FIFI? Linda Robertson of Redondo Beach spotted a police car that took a deceleration loop to a beauty salon for a four-legged cop (see photo).

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IT’S ALL RELATIVE: Many examples of impersonal, if not dehumanizing, address labels have appeared in this space of late. But Anne Elliott of West L.A. sent along one that was much more personal--an acknowledgment from a magazine for a subscription she had ordered for her nephews (see accompanying).

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WRONG BIRTHDAY SURPRISE: A while back, I told the unfortunate tale of the European immigrant who put up a pinata at her son’s birthday party here. When a batsman busted open the container, the birthday boy broke into sobs. Why? There was no candy inside. Mom didn’t know about that custom.

The tragedy didn’t need to happen. In this era of carefully scripted kids’ birthday parties, it should come as no surprise that a company has published a 16-page, how-to brochure on pinatas. A colleague passed on the booklet, which is filled with the usual duh!-type warnings written by attorneys.

Example: “Spinning around before taking a turn can also add fun and excitement. Just be careful that a disoriented child doesn’t swing the stick where other people are standing.”

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LEGAL EAGLES: Some excerpts from California Lawyer magazine’s “1998 Legal Follies” report:

* A survey of American teens found that only 2.2% could name William Rehnquist as chief justice of the United States. But 95% knew Will Smith was the star of the TV show “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” 75% knew that the 90210 ZIP Code is in Beverly Hills and 58% knew that Bill Gates is considered the “father of Microsoft.”

* “The Eagles rock band filed a trademark-infringement lawsuit against the National Foundation to Protect America’s Eagles, claiming the bird group was unlawfully using the band’s name to help sell its own music and videos.” The rock band also objected to the foundation’s Internet address (www.eagles.org).

* A company that owns the rights to Barney the dinosaur lost a copyright- and trademark-infringement case against the San Diego Chicken mascot, who, as part of his act during a baseball game, taunted a Barney look-alike. Hey, wonder if anyone’s ever thought of a Barney pinata? Adults would love to take a whack at it, too!

miscelLAny:

The 1998 Historic Calendar of Long Beach says “it is believed that Lakewood got its name from Bouton Lake, located on the golf course (of the Lakewood Country Club). The lake was formed in 1895 when an oil drill mistakenly hit water, flooding a small area.” Which explains why the city does not go by the more colorful name of Oilwood.

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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.