Staring Down 3 Decades

If you belong to the generation of late-20-something women feeling vaguely depressed and uncomfortable with life, you may be experiencing the “30s freak-out.”

Oakland-based authors Lauren Dockett and Kristin Beck began researching the disorder at age 28.

“We were surprised to find there was so little information about women who weren’t menopausal or adolescent,” Beck says. “It inspired us to keep searching for answers.”

“Facing 30” (New Harbinger) contains the fruits of their labor. The book features a diverse group of women talking about careers, relationships and, for some, the inevitable--kids and marriage. We asked Beck and Dockett for their insight:

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Q: Why is there so much angst about turning 30?

A: Our generation has unique identity issues. In many ways, we got the shaft because we followed the baby boomers. They are still a vital working force, so we have to get higher degrees and specialize to compete.

When you spend your life as a student, you don’t have time to have a career. Still, most of us recognize 30 as the time by which we should already be on a career path, not just starting one.

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Q: In the book you use the term “extended adolescence.” What does that mean, and how does it affect the not-quite-30 generation?

A: We are shocked to find ourselves turning 30 because we still feel like kids. When our parents were 30, they were grown-ups, but we still want to hang out and go to the movies. We haven’t achieved that level of adulthood. We don’t own property or even a car that works well.

But we do get a chance to do a lot more self-exploration. You can spend your 20s honing your interests, and your 30s exploring them.

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Q: What about the marriage question?

A: The 20s are about practicing relationships, spending time shacking up, having a serious affair or screwing around. By the time you reach 30, you’ve come into your own and know what you want from a relationship. From then on, you will be a lot more marriageable.

Our parents got married at an early age and in a rushed way to fulfill societal pressure. As a result, most of us are products of divorce. Maybe our generation can rebuff that.

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Q: Is body image wrapped up in the “30s freakout?”

A: Undoubtedly. In the book, we talk about “the list” of things falling apart on our bodies: wrinkles, droopiness, fatigue, worsening PMS, thinning nails, forgetfulness and temporary loss of command over our words. We recognize the fact that 45-year-old women will roll their eyes [at these things], but at 30, we are shocked by the fact that we are dealing with “the list” and that it is coming so soon. The 30s are about self-acceptance and being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about learning that beauty has so much to do with how you project yourself.

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Q: Is the superwoman concept dead?

A: It’s going away. It was a major thing in the 1980s, but now women realize we don’t need to do everything. We have so many more options. After we finished the book, Lauren went to India for a month. I had a baby and got more serious. We are two sides of the spectrum, and both are OK.

For more information about “Facing 30,” call (800) 748-6273.