NHL Geniuses Are Getting Exactly What They Deserve

While his team is playing in Japan, Paul Kariya works out on his own, far away.

Haven’t we been through this before?

We’re right back to where the hockey season began, when the Mighty Ducks and Vancouver Canucks made a promotional trip to Tokyo and Kariya, stuck in a contract stalemate, stayed home in Canada.

Only this time Kariya isn’t at fault. Not one bit.

Blame the NHL, which lets goons take free shots at its superstars with only minor repercussions. Kariya has yet to recover from a cross-check by Chicago Blackhawk Gary Suter that gave him a concussion on Feb. 1. Now the league gets exactly what it deserves: an Olympic tournament with no Paul Kariya.

The NHL sold itself out like no league ever has, reworking its schedule and taking a 2 1/2-week break during the season to let its players join the Olympics and gain some international exposure.

Kariya, playing for Canada, would have been the most marketable star. The larger Olympic rink would be the perfect showcase for his speed and skills and his Japanese heritage (his father is Japanese) would make him a favorite of the local fans and media in Nagano.

Instead, for the second time in five months, the NHL is in Japan without Kariya, blowing golden opportunities. Maybe this will be enough for the powers that be to crack down on all of the cheap shots, which already have taken stars such as Mike Modano and Brett Hull out of service for part of this season.

Of all the proposed rule changes floating around, the one that makes the most sense is the addition of another on-ice official. It is hoped another pair of eyes could prevent the dirty plays, in addition to the clutching and grabbing that drag the games down to a series of 1-0 bore-a-thons.

Remember, Suter didn’t even receive a penalty when he went upside Kariya’s head with his stick after a Kariya goal. The NHL reviewed the incident and suspended Suter for four games. Some balance. Suter misses four regular-season NHL games, Kariya misses the Olympics.

And the NHL misses him. Although I wonder how many viewers will miss him. Most hockey games will be broadcast live to the East Coast at 11:45 p.m. or later, and seen on tape delay at those hours on the West Coast.

If you stayed up to watch the end of Team USA’s first game, which began (on tape) at 12:45 this morning, I won’t be mad if you put down the paper to grab another cup of coffee. Hey, set your VCRs now: The gold-medal game will begin on Feb. 22 at 11:45 p.m.

Didn’t the NHL send its players to the Olympics to gain exposure for its players? How much exposure can you get in the middle of the night?

You know what’s going to happen? A whole generation of insomniacs will turn into hockey fans and roam the streets in the predawn hours, searching for people to cross-check.

As it is, the late-night couch potatoes couldn’t care less about the Olympics. The late show on CBS (not to be confused with David Letterman’s “Late Show”), has drawn a 1.9 rating and a 10 share through Wednesday. The good news for CBS is the ratings points mean almost two million people are watching. But that 10 share means 90% of the televisions in use are watching Conan O’Brien on NBC, Nick at Nite’s “TV Land” or some infomercial--anything but the Olympics.

It’s too bad Kariya isn’t there, because these Olympic Games are begging for a star.

Shoes draw more attention than the people. The talk of the speedskating rink was the Dutch clapskates, and the American lugers were all upset about German Georg Hackl’s “super booties” (Although any controversy that gives us an excuse to write “super booties” isn’t all that bad).

Waiting for the men’s downhill to begin was like waiting for Kenneth Starr’s investigation to end.

Curling? Please.

The only interesting story is that of Canadian snowboarder Ross Rebagliati, who put the “High” in Swifter, Higher, Stronger.

He was allowed to keep his gold medal despite a drug test that showed traces of marijuana in his system. To think, all of those NHL players were worried about getting in trouble for taking Sudafed, and a guy gets to keep his medal because he says he hasn’t actually smoked pot himself . . . lately.

Now they can keep celebrating in Canada, where they apparently had been celebrating plenty before. At least that’s what it’s safe to assume based on comments from the chairman of the Canadian Center for Ethics in Sport, a man named Andrew Pipe (Really. I swear.). Pipe told the Associated Press that people in Rebagliati’s hometown of Whistler in British Columbia smoke a type of marijuana that is four to five times more potent than your average joint.

Pipe said Rebagliati “was exposed within days of leaving [for Nagano] to hundreds of people smoking this kind of marijuana,” which explains the traces of marijuana found in his blood, but raises serious questions about his pre-Olympic training regimen.

The announcement that Rebagliati could keep his medal prompted Canadian Heritage Minister Sheila Copps to say, “My reaction, like a lot of Canadians, was very positive.”

Canadians seem to have plenty of positive results when it comes to the Olympics, going all the way back to Ben Johnson.

Hmmm, maybe Kariya should smoke some marijuana to ease those post-concussion headaches he has been suffering. It’s legal for medicinal purposes in California, after all.

But I’d rather watch Kariya try to help Canada win a gold medal that isn’t drug-tainted. Instead, there’s one less reason to stay up and see what actually happens in an Olympics that were boring to begin with.