LAUGH LINES

Chairman of the Bored: In announcing his retirement as chairman of the board of the Dodgers, Peter O’Malley said, “It’s time for me to be just a Dodger fan.” “He must not have been watching them play this decade.” (Jerry Perisho)

She’s a Doll: Calista Flockhart denies in the new People magazine that she’s anorexic, saying she has “tiny bones.” “Yeah, just because she can now share her wardrobe with Barbie doesn’t mean she’s got an eating disorder.” (Premiere Radio)

Save the Day: Actor Jean-Claude Van Damme says the lawsuit filed by former partner Frank Dux over writing credits on a film has dragged on so long that it has prevented him from making several movies. “Dux didn’t realize that when he filed suit, he was also performing a public service.” (Ira Lawson)

Starr of Oz: The Wizard of Oz gets released to movie theaters this week. “It’s ominous. Last night, the president looked outside his window and saw Ken Starr riding a broom across the sky spelling out ‘Surrender Bill.’ ” (Argus Hamilton)

Deep Space Look: The launch of the space shuttle with John Glenn aboard coincided with the introduction of High Definition Television. On regular TV, the shuttle looked like a little speck in the sky 100 miles away, but with the new system, it looked like a little speck in the sky 102.3 miles away. (Gary Easley)

Back to the Future: John Glenn is in space, the Yankees are champions, and yo-yos are popular. “Now that we have apparently traveled back to the early ‘60s, is there any way we can stop the invention of junk mail, disco music and call waiting?” (Alex Kaseberg)

Child Play: According to a study by the union representing writers, young writers are the most likely to get the top film and television assignments. “That’s true--producers wouldn’t even look at my script unit I redid it in crayon.” (Kaseberg)

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