LAUGH LINES

On the Road: “A Florida motorist claims that O.J. Simpson grabbed his glasses and scratched his face after ‘flicking his lights’ at Simpson’s car [after it ran a stop sign]. Simpson said he blew the stop sign because he was in hot pursuit of the ‘real killer.’ ” (Mark Efman)

Deep Discoveries: “A deep-sea diver off the northeast coast of South Africa discovered a coelacanth, a fish thought to have been extinct for 70 million years. . . . It is termed a ‘living fossil.’ We have those in the United States, too. They’re called ‘Congress.’ ” (Jerry Perisho)

Hanging On: “Monica Lewinsky agreed to be questioned by Independent Counsel Robert Ray. He may indict the president for lying about their affair. . . . Republicans have a lot of nerve saying that Al Gore has trouble letting go.” (Argus Hamilton)

Hospital Visit: “According to ‘Access Hollywood,’ Robert Downey Jr. [was recently in] a hospital being treated for depression. . . . Also being treated for depression? The producers of ‘Ally McBeal.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

Busy Bee: “Turns out Madonna won’t be making a scheduled performance during the Super Bowl halftime show in January. Apparently, she will be too busy making another really bad movie.” (Andrew Wisot)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA 90012.