LAUGH LINES

Car Culture: “Former NFL star Jim Brown . . . he got sentenced to six months in jail for refusing to do community service, because he smashed up his wife’s car. . . . So let that be a lesson to NFL and former NFL players in Los Angeles, OK? It’s OK to murder your wife, but in L.A., my God--you touch her car, you’re going to prison, buddy.” (Jay Leno)

Northwest Oriented: “Weird things are going on in Washington state. A 54-year-old mother of eight gave birth to triplets. And in Seattle, Seahawks fans had a cow.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

*

The Essential

David Letterman

Top Features of a

Really Scary Haunted House

10. Glow-in-the-dark Yeltsin liver.

9. Barbra Streisand music is coming from somewhere, but you can’t tell where.

6. A decomposing corpse that just got engaged to Catherine Zeta-Jones.

4. They make you share a long elevator ride with a really talkative guy you only kind of know.

3. Demonstration of how a chicken becomes a McNugget.

2. A room full of mirrors and a naked John Madden.

1. Guy named Puffy keeps shooting at you.

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.