LAUGH LINES

Stamping Ground: “The postal service unveiled some of the new stamps for 2001. . . . One stamp will honor Thanksgiving, and a series will honor famous American ballparks. . . . No doubt one will be Dodger Stadium. . . . They’ve been getting licked a lot in the past few years.” (Daily Scoop)

Just Another Day: NBC’s “In the Beginning” miniseries “shows the big biblical events that took place over several millenniums, like the great flood, burning cities, family murders, people making deals with the devil. . . . Come on, that’s a typical week in Los Angeles.” (R.J. Johnson)

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The Essential David Letterman

Top Signs Your Anchorman Is Exhausted

10. He says, “Good evening, I’m Peter Jennings.” Only he isn’t Peter Jennings.

9. He spent six hours trying to pronounce “Bush.”

8. At 2 a.m., he loosens his tie. At 3 a.m., he gets rid of pants.

7. He draws a face on his right fist and holds a heated discussion with “Bobby.”

5. The number in corner of the screen counts how close he is to 270 cups of coffee.

4. Any time someone mentions Florida, he starts sobbing because his parents never took him to Disney World.

3. The Florida election committee has officially declared him “not exhausted.”

2. All night long, he spews out nonsensical things like Dan Rather did.

1. Just past 5 in the morning, he gives his own concession speech.

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