Ministering to Ministers Is His Game

OXNARD —  Phil Graf is a coach, but not for a sports team. The Oxnard missionary challenges young people and pastors to be all they can be--on God’s team.

While some church leaders may disagree with his unconventional approach, a number of former teens concede one point: Graf gave them an escape route out of their impoverished community.

When Manuel Gonzales was growing up in the La Colonia section of Oxnard, his parents, who were farm laborers, didn’t have much time or money to spend on him. And as teenagers attending Oxnard High School, Gonzales said he and his buddies needed a role model.

Enter Graf, a then 31-year-old minister with big ideas. He came to the high school to work with teens. So the principal let Graf volunteer--monitoring students during lunch and breaking up any midday fights, Graf said.

“We laughed at him at first,” Gonzales said, “because he was talking about God.”

Over time, Graf won their respect, and later the teens vouched for him when others challenged his presence at neighborhood hangouts, Gonzales said. Eventually Graf exposed them to places outside their neighborhood--like camping, trips to Magic Mountain and to a retreat center.

“He gave us an escape out of here,” Gonzales said of Graf’s positive attitude and biblical teachings.

Now 40, Graf says some people--especially those in the inner city--are intimidated by the trappings of traditional, mainline churches.

“Some of it might be our dress, style of music, stained glass or the building itself,” he said. “For those who don’t go to church or the younger generation, church is pretty sterile and cold.”

Graf, who once aspired to a career in sports marketing, said his idea was to package it differently.

At one congregation where Graf acts as a coach to the senior pastor, they don’t even call it a church. It’s called “The Bridge,” and the 17- to 40-year-old members meet in a room on Santa Clara Street in downtown Ventura.

“He challenges me to think outside of boxes--outside of the ordinary things of church life,” Pastor Greg Russinger said.

Challenging Orthodoxy

Graf is the unpaid director of Nieu (pronounced “new”) Communities for Church Resource Ministries, an organization designed to strengthen and develop church leadership. The nearly 6-foot-3 preacher lives on 2 1/2 acres that is the site of a barn built in the 1860s by one of Oxnard’s settlers. Graf uses the barn for retreats and periodic youth worship service that he calls “The Gathering.”

“He would challenge a lot of traditional structures in churches,” said Rob Yackley, vice president of international ministries at Church Resource Ministries, based in Anaheim. “He would challenge the time and energy that go toward ministries that are like a cul de sac--events that are not going anywhere.”

He added, “I am sure there is a degree to which his unconventionality can come across as threatening. For some church leaders, it can even feel deconstructionist.”

Thomas J. Curry, regional Roman Catholic bishop for Ventura and Santa Barbara counties, said, “This movement happens in Christianity periodically.”

Recalling the Puritans, Curry said, “They wanted to get rid of vestments, incense and get back to the pure scripture. Even in the Catholic Church, some said it should all be very plain. On the other hand, some said we should give the very best in art, buildings and music to God.”

Graf’s interest in churches and ethnic groups began as a child growing up in the wealthy area of Stony Brook, New York. His father was a business manager at the college preparatory Stony Brook School and his family lived in an apartment on the campus.

Because of the school’s financial aid outreach programs in the 1960s, he met academically strong students from poorer parts of the state, such as Harlem in New York City.

His family worshiped at the nondenominational Three-Village Church, which held its meetings in an American Legion hall. Without a permanent building, many church activities were done in the community, Graf said.

“I am a big believer that church functions better when people go out into the community, rather than inviting people into the church,” he said. “That led me to a greater commitment to a nonbuilding church--a church without walls.”

At New Life Community Church in Oxnard, one of the four Ventura County churches where Graf is a pastoral consultant, Pastor Steve Abraham said Graf is outstanding for his honesty and willingness to ask difficult questions. “He lays it out and isn’t afraid of hurting someone’s feelings.”

The 250-member congregation meets in a banquet room at the Residence Inn by Marriott at River Ridge in Oxnard. Through Graf’s coaching, Abraham said he renewed his sensitivity to the concerns of newcomers and created detailed plans for integrating new members into the church.

At Calvary Community Church in Westlake, where adult and youth churchgoers total 4,000 on an average Sunday, Graf is also a coach and “a friend to the pastors,” said Associate Pastor Gordy Duncan. “Sometimes pastors get overwhelmed with the needs of the people, and you need friends to tell you to keep going.”

Calvary is a Missionary Church, the denomination in which Graf was ordained. There are about 260 Missionary congregations in the U.S., Graf said.

Graf said that most of the time, his meetings with pastors are spent in informal settings, like on tennis or basketball courts.

“If I am wrestling with a decision that’s ministry-related, he’ll drop everything and we’ll have a two- or three-hour conversation,” Duncan said. The outcome of one such meeting was encouragement for Duncan to continue in the ministry.

“He’s in your face with love,” Duncan said of his friend and spiritual coach. “He challenges you to decide who God can be in your life. He wants to lovingly press you to a decision.”

But this minister to other ministers wrestles with his own challenges, and finances are one of them.

Graf, a father of five children ranging from 4 months to 10-years-old, said he manages his family’s expenses with donations and the support of his wife, Laina, who works part-time operating a catering business from their home.

“It’s fifty-fifty, and I feel very compelled to increase my portion and decrease hers,” said Graf, who averages a 50-hour workweek. “I really want to honor my commitment as a husband and a father.”

In addition to coaching pastors in Southern California and other cities in the continental U.S.--including Chicago, Miami, Atlanta and Kansas City--Graf travels to places like Hawaii and Australia to promote church growth in urban areas. He also designs curriculum on establishing urban churches for Church Resources Ministries and is involved in direct evangelism and crisis counseling.

“He’s passionate about helping people,” Laina Graf said. “And he has an incredible cross-cultural gift.”

Creating a Ripple Effect

But when people don’t want to improve their lives--that’s what frustrates him most, she said.

“One of his challenges is being merciful to people who don’t want to change,” she said. “I’m usually the one that softens him. You can’t make people better their life.”

For those who make a commitment to change, like the teens from Oxnard High School, the improvements have a ripple effect.

Manuel Gonzales, who was the first person in his family to graduate from high school, credits Graf’s encouragement and role-modeling for his academic and career accomplishments. He said that during his teen years, he was afraid to meet people outside his neighborhood and was intimidated by those who worked in business offices.

Now, he works in one. The 28-years-old performs accounting duties for an insurance company during the day, and in the evenings he is a retail salesperson at a Gap clothing store.

“The only thing I can do is preach the way [Graf] does--not too much,” said Gonzales, adding that he tries to give friends a clear direction for their lives.

One such friend is Mondo Macias, 30, a father of four. The heavily tattooed man said he uses his interest in boxing to help young neighborhood men handle stress, think positively and learn about God.

Macias’ 25-year-old neighbor, Manuel Conde, who exercises with him daily in Macias’ converted garage, said, “We put God first. God gave me the mentality to work out everything.”