She’s Putting New League on the Endangered List

For the record, let me say I could have interviewed “Thug,” but they told me she’s a “rattlesnake ready to strike,” so I went with Danger, which without the “D” is “Anger,” which I figured would be a good warmup for a spring training interview with Kevin Brown. Come to think of it, I guess I could have interviewed Thug.

Anyway I had a date with Danger, a real lady armed with three tattoos and impressive nunchucks, who agreed not to spit water in my face while discussing tonight’s all-important Women of Wrestling singles title match at the Forum.

I believe we’re holding the presses.

As you can imagine, a serious athlete like Danger, who calls her opponent, Terri Gold, “a perky little chipmunk who I will make squeal in pain,” has serious reservations about this ridiculous new phony cheerleader-driven football league that kicked off Saturday, and which could make a mockery of sports as Danger and I know them.

“I’m worried--I love football,” Danger said, and I detected a little vulnerability there, which prompted her to put me in a headlock.

“You don’t want to make Danger send you down the highway to hell,” she said, although I can’t imagine it being any worse than the 91 Freeway.

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MAYBE YOU’VE SEEN Lana Star, a legend in her own mind, breaking a mirror over Poison’s head. We’re talking Ray Lewis-like intensity here, so you know a phony football league whose only stars are its cheerleaders is not going to get much respect from these competitors.

“Have you ever seen one of Vince McMahon’s wrestling shows on TV?” Danger asked. “You know there’s very little wrestling in two hours, but lots of show and acting with people carrying on and creating a ruckus. That’s what you’re going to get with this new league--lots of show with some football thrown in.

“It’s going to be a show like ‘Battledome,’ and people will identify with the characters that get featured.”

In the WoW world, Danger is known as a “heel,” because people don’t like her. To put it in a context you might understand--she’d make a great Page Two columnist. First chance I get, I’m going to send her a nasty e-mail.

The nice girls in wrestling, meanwhile, are known as “faces,” and Danger said when you watch the ridiculous new phony cheerleader-driven football league the next few weeks on TV, the show will be dedicated to having the players separate themselves--some becoming obvious heels and others faces.

“It’s like reality TV,” Danger said. “You watch ‘Survivor,’ and the producers give suggestions to the people how they should act and what they should do and then they take it from there. You’ll have feuds develop--as suggested by the producers. I don’t think it will be scripted as much as McMahon’s wrestling shows, but you just know there’s going to be lots of theatrics to disguise the football--which I wouldn’t think would be very good. . . . It could get boring.”

Danger, a former state heptathlon champion for a Long Beach high school, has a history of throwing referees and opponents through tables. She demanded that I not use her real name. I can tell you this, I stood right up to Elle, and I would have written down her real last name too, had she not taken my notebook and chewed it in half.

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THE HEADQUARTERS FOR WOW is just down the hall from the administrative offices of the Forum’s new owner, the Faithful Central Baptist Church, which should make for interesting small talk around the water cooler.

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THE WOMEN HAVE Bobby “The Brain” Heenan doing the commentating for their show, while the new ridiculous phony football league had Jesse “The Body” Ventura. The NFL, of course, had Dennis “The Bore” Miller.

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WHEN IT WAS brought to his attention that Derrick Coleman had not gotten in the game for Charlotte the other night, Laker broadcaster Chick Hearn had the explanation: “They feed him Alpo.”

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AS IT BECAME apparent that UCLA was going to upset Stanford, ABC commentator Dick Vitale called out the Bruins’ “administrators” and asked one of them to step up and assure Steve Lavin he’s going to remain the team’s coach.

It would have been more effective had CBS been broadcasting the game and Rick Pitino was the commentator.

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I AM TOLD that Rob Blake has turned down something like $40 million, and I’m sure he’s a loyal L.A. subject and a favorite of the 10,000 hockey fans in this area of something like 13 million people, but my question is why would the Kings offer $40 million to a defensive player--even if he is an all-star--on a team that has already surrendered more goals than 23 other teams?

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BETTER LATE THAN never, as J.R. Rider might say, but I like this idea of letting Kobe Bryant, who has shown so much courage and talent, take all the shots. More and more I’m not listening to Phil Jackson either.

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SOME PEOPLE ARE going to say that Mark Chmura got away with one, but let’s see him try to find another baby-sitter.

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TODAY’S LAST WORD comes in an e-mail from Amy:

“Does it bother you that you don’t know anything about pro football?

Funny that you and Paul Tagliabue should ask the same question in the same week.

T.J. Simers can be reached at his e-mail address: t.j.simers@latimes.com.