This Super Bowl Might Redefine Exotic Betting

Personally I don’t see what this Super Bowl fuss is all about, you know this business where you have to stay six feet away from strippers in Tampa, Fla.

My wife has a similar rule, so it’s not like it’s anything new to me.

But apparently there are a lot of people upset, including a pair of Dallas Stars hockey players who recently spent time in the city’s penalty box after crossing the blue line at Mons Venus.

I don’t understand why the Tampa police are making a big deal about these things they call lap dances--you run out of chairs, you run out of chairs.

But the police say it’s against the law, and say it carries a maximum $1,000 fine and a six-month jail sentence, which seems excessive. I can see throwing the key away for anyone caught in a karaoke bar, but I mean, you have a bunch of NFL players coming to town and just where do you expect them to go?

“Every law gets enforced all the time,” Tampa Mayor Dick Greco told the St. Petersburg Times. “What difference does it make during the Super Bowl?”

The police said they have raids planned for next week, and intend to inform the Super Bowl coaches, “that if you don’t want to have your quarterback come up AWOL at game time,” he better be taking snaps from center only on the practice field.

With that in mind, if you’re pulling for Baltimore, you hire a limo for Trent Dilfer, take him to Mons Venus, give him a fistful of dollar bills and tip off the cops he’s there.

Now, if I see a limo pull up with Ray Lewis inside, I’m outta there.

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IT’S GOING TO be my job, of course, starting next Wednesday when Mons Venus remains open 24 hours a day, to be there all the time in case someone like Dilfer gets busted.

I know the police will be there too, but interestingly enough, they said they’ll need more than two officers to make an arrest--I would guess everyone in the police department probably will want to be there to perform their duty.

I must say, however, that I side with the exotic club owners, because I think they have the best interests of the NFL at heart.

I know it’s hard to believe that anyone is interested in sex when you have something as riveting as the Super Bowl occupying your every waking moment, but remember two years ago when Atlanta Falcon safety Eugene Robinson was arrested the night before the big game for soliciting a hooker.

You take away lap dances and suggest police raids, and you’re now pushing some of our best football players into the streets, and just begging for another Robinson faux pas. I remember my mom telling me a faux pas is bad.

You also have all these other NFL players, who ordinarily come to town the week of a Super Bowl to make public appearances and mingle with the corporate set. I know most of them will be asking directions for the Tampa Museum of Art, but there are going to be some who wind up at the local exotic clubs.

How’s it going to look when a fan asks for an NFL player’s autograph, and just because she’s not wearing a jersey, he has to back away and appear aloof and standoffish?

This is how athletes get bad names.

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LOOK FOR WIDE receiver Keyshawn Johnson to go to Buccaneer management and demand the team get somebody good to play quarterback like Dilfer.

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YOU CAN TALK all you want about DiMaggio’s streak, Chamberlain scoring 100 points and Secretariat leaving everyone behind, but for my money, the greatest sports achievement of all time is Dilfer winning 14 of his last 15 NFL starts.

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A THREE-POINT basket by Isaiah Rider in the Lakers’ overtime victory against Vancouver prompted Chick Hearn to exclaim: “Hello, first team.”

Stu Lantz, Hearn’s broadcasting partner, urged him to tell that to Coach Phil Jackson.

Hearn, who remains a listening delight, shot back: “He knows somebody in the front office [Jeanie Buss]. I say that and I might get fired.”

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I UNDERSTAND WHY Jerry Perenchio replaced Bob Arum as promoter for Oscar De La Hoya, but scheduling a fight with some guy named Arturo Gatti troubles me. It’s like De La Hoya is ducking this up-and-coming New York welterweight who calls himself Jeff Van Gundy.

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GIVEN THE ADDITIONS of Pat Rapp, Ismael Valdes and now Jose Canseco--as a service to their fans--I suggest every time the Angels sign such a player, like Kmart, they place a flashing blue light on top of Edison Field.

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IT MIGHT BE time for USC’s Mike Garrett to let it be known that he has had conversations with Rick Pitino. It got the Bruins going.

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NO COMMENT YET from the League for the Protection of Birds.

Dave Winfield was arrested in 1983 in Toronto after killing a sea gull with a thrown ball. Yankee Manager Billy Martin said at the time, “First time he hit the cutoff man all year,” and now the guy’s in the Hall of Fame.

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HOUSTON PITCHER JIM Deshaies, backed by the support of a Web site and a campaign to win one Hall of Fame vote, reached his goal.

Houston Chronicle columnist John Lopez, one of the 515 writers eligible to vote, gave Deshaies, who had a career mark of 84-95, his vote.

Lopez said he voted for Deshaies primarily because Deshaies used to sign autographs. “I know he’s not a Hall of Famer in terms of numbers,” Lopez said. “It was a tip of the cap to a guy who was an everyman ballplayer.”

I’ll be there for F.P. Santangelo when he becomes eligible.

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TODAY’S LAST WORD comes in an e-mail from Ronni:

“You are obviously another uneducated and stupid journalist who has nothing to say of any significance.”

And how much did you read before you realized that?

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T.J. Simers can be reached at his e-mail address: t.j.simers@latimes.com