LAUGH LINES

Check It Out: “A new automated checkout system has gone online at a grocery store in Hollywood. . . . It allows customers to scan their groceries and check themselves out, as an alternative to waiting in line for a cashier to do it. . . . The system, called U-Scan, does everything a regular cashier does--except shut down the register when you’re the next person in line.” (Ira Lawson)

Hey, Get Real: “How many of you have been to Mardi Gras? . . . If you’ve ever been to Mardi Gras, you know the custom there is women show their breasts and men throw fake jewelry. . . . As opposed to L.A., where women show fake breasts and men throw real jewelry.” (Jay Leno)

Fighting for the People: “Bill Clinton wrote an article saying why he pardoned Marc Rich. It’s so heart-rending. . . . He’s dedicated his life to improving minorities’ lives. And if billionaire Democratic donors aren’t a minority, then who is?” (Argus Hamilton)

In the Flesh: “[During Mardi Gras] police are allowing women to flash their breasts without fear of arrest. . . . Who do these women think they are? XFL cheerleaders?” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.