LAUGH LINES

Practice Makes Perfect: “Bill Clinton told reporters in Copenhagen that he definitely will not run for mayor of New York. . . . The denial was firm, unequivocal and very convincing. . . . That’s what eight years of rehearsal will do for you.” (Argus Hamilton)

Flight Detour: “Here’s an embarrassing story for TWA. Did you hear about this? . . . One of their planes landed at the wrong airport in Colorado. The guy got lost and landed at the wrong airport! The sad thing is it’s the first time this year that they’ve been on time.” (Jay Leno)

Dressing Up: “George W. Bush had a very active [first few months] in the White House. Now there is a dress code in the White House--even Dick Cheney has to wear a tie with his hospital gown.” (David Letterman)

Life Investment: “All the talk shows have the financial experts [explaining] what you did wrong as an investor. They’re still recommending that people put their retirement money in stocks because they say if you don’t keep up with inflation, you might find you’ve outlived your money. They call it ‘outliving’ your money! It’s not the broker’s fault. It’s not the stock market’s fault. It’s your fault--you lived too long! If you killed yourself, you’d have plenty of money.” (Leno)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.