When Wedded Bliss Turns Blah, Japanese Say Divorce

TOKYO —  He averages 12-hour workdays, followed by an obligatory round of drinks with co-workers and a long commute home. She dutifully waits up for him to return and prepares breakfast in the mornings. Then retirement rolls around and he discovers that he’s a stranger to his own family.

The result is a phenomenon that the Japanese are calling “vintage year divorce,” the fastest-growing component of a marital breakup rate that has doubled since 1975.

And reflecting larger changes in society, the divorces are more likely initiated by women, often after 20 years or more together.

“Expectations are definitely changing. Many people are putting their happiness first, and if they think they won’t find that in their marriage, they get out,” said Atsuko Okano, 49, a divorcee and founder of a divorce counseling service, Caratclub.

A record 289,838 couples divorced in 2002, the most recent year available, up 1.4% from 2001, the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry announced in September. The divorce rate also hit a new record of 2.3 divorces for every 1,000 people -- more than double the rate of 1.07 in 1975.

A decade ago, divorce could mean a serious loss of face -- or even a loss of career. Although the Japanese legal system makes it a relatively straightforward procedure and provides for alimony and child support, many couples were deterred by the shame associated with divorce.

But as the stigma fades, couples across the demographic spectrum are parting ways.

Marriages lasting five years or less make up the biggest ratio of divorces, about 34%, mostly involving couples in their 20s and 30s. But the fastest-growing group is older couples splitting after 20 or more years together.

In 1975, such twilight divorces made up less than 6% of the total. By the late 1990s, they constituted 17%.

The country’s low divorce rate, much like its crime rate, has long been cited as an example of Japanese social stability and group harmony. It’s still lower than that of many industrialized countries -- its 2002 rate compares to 2.82 in England or 4.0 in the United States.

But its upward climb -- now in its 12th year and roughly in tandem with the country’s economic slowdown -- comes as crime, unemployment and suicide rates are also rising.

Experts say it could all be part of the social fallout of a postwar economic climate that has put prosperity before personal well-being.

“Japanese thought a stable income meant a stable life. But the economy burst and everything turned upside down,” said Koji Matsuno, a divorce counselor in Nagoya city. “Now I think there is a kind of confusion, especially between men and women, about their expectations for the future.”

He says that in well over 80% of the cases he sees, the wife is demanding the divorce -- and it usually comes as a shock to the husband.

“The men are thinking: ‘Even in this kind of economic climate, I’m making money and it’s not like I’m wasting it or playing around. What do they mean they’re unsatisfied?’ ” said Matsuno, whose office specializes in counseling men.

Even so, divorce remains a financially precarious road for most Japanese women, who tend to face fewer job opportunities and wage discrimination, particularly when returning to the workforce at a later age.

“If women were more financially independent, I think the divorce rate would probably be double what it is,” said Okano of Caratclub.

Yet they appear increasingly willing to take on those risks.

Family court statistics from the Justice Ministry show that divorces sought by women are 2.5 times more numerous than those sought by men.

A nationwide survey of 200 divorcees by O-net, one of Japan’s largest matchmaking services, found that 93% had no regrets.