Take That! ... Had Enough?

Judging by the newsstands of this land, Americans this summer have become quite a questioning -- and emphatic! -- society. Do the covers of most magazines contain profuse question and exclamation marks merely to hook passersby into dropping disposable dollars? Falsely implying the question will be answered inside? Or because halfway through a presidential election year we’ve become genuinely puzzled about so many things? Does every statement awarded an exclamation mark these days deserve it? C’mon now! Does it?

No!

Midsummer in North America is supposed to be a relaxing time when the population steps -- or lies -- back to indulge its innate wants for frivolity and distraction from supposedly serious topics that consume attention in other months. Right? Wrong! Just listen -- really listen -- to our country’s current political discourse as participants frantically vie for the attention of voters with little political interest until Christmas ads start by Halloween. Everything these political speakers say is emphatic. Everything!

Yes. Yes! Stridency gets you on TV. Even the silly kind if it’s screamed enough. But does emphasis on both serious and superfluous news connote importance? Sincerity? Desperation? Take a break! How about toning everything down a dozen notches until fall? Can’t hurt! No one’s listening as it is. Public Health Warning: Vociferous overemphasis is contagious, like SARS in an elevator. Even normal people, who can’t actually speak exclamation marks, now strive for emphasis by over-repeating important words. Listen for it! They really, really do!!

It’s all so exhausting to hear and see in July. Isn’t it? The urgency infection has even hit the fluff mags. “All You Need to Wear With Anything!” “Get a Beach Ready Body in 2 Weeks!” “Bikini Emergency!” “Nicole Richie!” “Lose Your Gut!” “Sculpt Your Abs -- See Results in 10 Days!” “Christie is 50!”

Town & Country and Architectural Digest remain their usual composed selves, free of exclamatory journalism. There’s no “Owning Several Homes Too Much for You?” “New Hands-Free Estate Gates! What You Need to Know!” “Laying Off Servants: Summertime Do’s and Don’ts!”

But there are plenty of real headlines that are no doubt really, really important to someone. The “Eternal Hotness of Johnny Depp!” “Mary Kate’s Real Problem!” “Got Guilt?” “Frizz-Free Hair!” “Are Energy Bars Ruining Your Diet?” “Can You Turn Back the Clock on Sun Damage?” “PC Makeovers!” “Will Your State Ban Low-Riders and Tanning Beds?”

Even the August issue of American Cowboy magazine has ridden onto the quizzical stage, crying: “What Is America Missing?” Certainly not question marks!