Flies in Laguna Beach? Call In the SWAT Team

Folks in affluent Laguna Beach aren’t shy about asking the authorities for help, no matter how mundane the problem. The police blotter of the Laguna News-Post, for instance, recently recorded this complaint: “A caller informed police of ‘stray flies’ in his house.” It went on to say: “An official responded by telling the caller how to control the problem.”

First, let’s consider the term “stray flies.” Was the caller differentiating them from “resident” or “pet” flies? As for controlling the invaders, I imagine police mentioned the invention of the fly swatter.

Then there was the caller who “reported that a cat entered her residence and attacked her pet cat.” A fly swatter might also have come in handy in that case.

Finally, a more difficult problem for police to handle was raised by this call: “A resident who said she read dogs’ minds reported a dog in danger that needed to be moved.” I hope the pooch was threatened by nothing more than some stray fleas.

Tow for two: Dierk Sinderman chanced upon a hook-it-and-haul-it vehicle in Hollywood that needed a lift itself (see photo).

Thou canst have it: Like a homeowner leaving an old couch by the curb, a Long Beach church set out an old organ for the taking (see photo).

Kids are so precocious these days: The school year is approaching and there seems to be a shortage of teachers, judging from the young one sought in an ad spotted by Diana Steshko of Lake Forest (see accompanying).

I guess if you had a 2-year-old as a teacher, you’d bring him or her apple puree rather than an apple.

Speaking of education ... : Ken Mayeda wonders if the calculations involving a California Car Duster show “how math is taught in our schools” (see accompanying).

Institutions of higher learning, or living: The Princeton Review quizzed 115,000 students about 361 U.S. colleges and reached these conclusions:

* Claremont McKenna was ranked No. 5 in “best quality of life” category, which may or may not be linked to its ranking as the eighth-biggest beer-drinking campus in America.

* UC Santa Barbara was voted the No. 10 party school and ranked No. 14 in liquor consumption, No. 14 in marijuana usage and, not surprisingly, No. 358 in hours spent studying (third-worst in the nation in the last category).

* The students at Caltech, in contrast, were voted the No. 1 bookworms and the 20th most sober. Pepperdine undergrads were No. 3 in hours spent praying -- possibly thanking the almighty for leading them to a campus that was voted the nation’s most beautiful.

miscelLAny: Country music station KZLA-FM (93.9) is no more, having been replaced by a “dance-ready music” format, Movin’ 93.9. The latter’s slogan is “The Mix That Makes You Move.” Mark Carbonaro of Clear Channel commented to laradio.com that the slogan “sounds like a laxative ad.”