Kaman shows signs of life but is still off his game

Things are going so badly for Chris Kaman these days that when he called me “jerk idiot” before Tuesday night’s Lakers-Clippers game, moments later he realized he was probably off target again.

“Maybe it’s supposed to be idiot jerk,” he said. “I’m not sure. Jerk idiot, or idiot jerk. It’s from some movie, and I can’t remember....”

When I left, he was still trying to figure it out. It was a good sign, because he was acting like a kid without a care in the world -- other than to call someone “jerk idiot” or “idiot jerk,” as opposed to the center who apparently can’t handle the expectations that come with signing a new mega-contract.

“I’m not the go-to guy here, not the star,” Kaman said. “I’m just a good role player.”

We’re talking the Clippers here, and no way Donald Sterling agrees to pay $52.5 million to a role player. Kaman became the first Clipper to ever be signed to a contract extension without the franchise’s being backed into the corner with the threat of losing him. As someone pointed out, they have a statue of Wayne Gretzky in front of Staples and another of Magic Johnson.

Hard to think of a Clipper worthy of being bronzed -- other than maybe the first one to catch Sterling’s eye and persuade him to change his spending habits.

Coach Mike Dunleavy went so far as to tie his future to Kaman, refusing to do a new deal to stay with the Clippers until Kaman was under contract.

In response, Kaman curled up into a ball and all but disappeared.

“You act like I’m trying to be terrible; I’m not taking a bad pill every day or anything like that,” said Kaman, although seven other Clippers are averaging more playing time each game. “The ball just hasn’t been going in for me.”

Kaman, bothered earlier by a hamstring injury, is averaging a little more than seven points a game, and when you consider Andrew Bynum’s up-and-down season, Bynum is still averaging 10.3 points a game. That makes Kaman a raging disappointment to date.

“It would be fair to use any word you want in front of disappointment,” Kaman said.

So when does Kaman start playing?

“Tonight,” Dunleavy said, and a coach can dream, can’t he?

At the very least, the Kaman-Bynum matchup figured to be one of the interesting subplots in the first Lakers-Clippers meeting of the season. And more than that, if both teams are correct in their assessment of their young centers, it should be a matchup to watch here for years.

Bynum picked up two quick fouls, and the spotlight followed Kobe Bryant for most of the first quarter, with Bryant scoring 20 of the Lakers’ first 27 points.

Bynum went to the bench, leaving Kaman to fight himself once again, scoring eight points against the Bynum-Kwame Brown tandem, blocking four shots and grabbing eight rebounds. At least it was a sign of life.

“Sometimes I wish I played more intelligently, but I play hard every night,” Kaman insisted, which isn’t all that encouraging when you consider the results in the team’s first eight games. “It’s been a struggle out there, and sometimes mentally, it wears on you.”

Hard to believe that a $52.5-million payday would wear on someone, but it might be one explanation why Kaman just hasn’t appeared to be himself to date.

But wrestling with the dilemma of whether to call someone “jerk idiot,” or “idiot jerk,” the kid, who can be immature at times and who just had fun playing basketball a year ago, began to play this contest with some energy and skill.

And although Bynum remained a non-factor, Kaman scored 12 and had 10 rebounds before fouling out with five minutes left and the Clippers up by a pair.

Then he sat down and watched as the Lakers took advantage of his absence to go inside and clinch the victory. That’s the way things are going for Kaman these days, all right. Even when he’s not on the court, he’s hurting the Clippers.

PAT HADEN, placed in the enemy’s camp seven or eight years ago as TV broadcaster, now knows Notre Dame probably as well as any other observer, so whom does he pick to win Saturday?

“The last two years Brady Quinn played as well as any quarterback,” Haden said. “He’s going to be the No. 1 pick in April and if I was a NFL GM, I’d draft him.”

Great, but who wins Saturday?

“I think Charlie Weis is a very good coach,” Haden said. “He’s a very interesting play-caller. He sequences plays in a very unusual way. I’ve talked to defensive coaches and they say he’s a tough guy to prepare for because he’s so awkward. I’ve seen him start the game with five-straight screen passes.”

So does he have the game plan to beat USC?

“Notre Dame almost always scores 30 points,” Haden said. “Now just about everybody has 12 series a game, and with Notre Dame scoring 30 points or so, USC has to score on four or five of those 12 series.

“I don’t see this as a low-scoring game. I think both teams will score at least 30 points.”

And who wins?

“USC,” said the former Trojans quarterback. “A close game, but USC wins.”

I TAKE back everything I have ever written about the McCourts lacking the money to run a treasured franchise. If the Dodgers have decided to give $44 million to a low-impact player like Juan Pierre, the McCourts obviously have money to burn.

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Dan Avey, who is donating a Santa Claus suit for Tom Lasorda to wear at the Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA Christmas party:

“Please don’t ever mention my name in your column again. People will think I read Page 2.”

Whatever you say, Dan, or if you prefer, Mr. Avey.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.