Leave it up to that doggone neighbor to tattletale

As if traffic conditions aren’t hectic enough in these parts, the Seal Beach Sun’s crime log published a sighting of a dog that was evidently driving (see accompanying). And, according to a witness, it wasn’t the mutt’s first turn behind the wheel, either. What’s next -- Rover rage?

Parking for clunkers? That’s the conclusion you could draw from the sign spotted on La Cienega Boulevard by performer Phil Proctor (see photo). Or maybe the company’s name (Trashy Lingerie) had something to do with the sign.

Turning to vintage car shows ... : Tee Thamrong noticed that the sponsors of the Rodeo Drive Concours d’Elegance had less than elegant check-in stations (see photo).

Parking is a pain everywhere: The Palisadian-Post relates that when TV actor Gavin (“The Love Boat”) MacLeod, the honorary mayor of Pacific Palisades, swore in the new Chamber of Commerce board, he had the members repeat, “I pledge not to park at Gelson’s or Ralphs while shopping elsewhere. I pledge to happily pay my $40 parking tickets to the wonderful city of L.A. .... “

The devil you say: Janet Merrick, a former Orange Countian, saw an online ad for a hotel that obviously does not carry Bibles in its rooms (see accompanying). Wonder if the rooms are also “aesthetically” pleasing. (Spell-check strikes again!)

A bunch of Bulwer: June 30 is the deadline for entering the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest of overwritten novel openings, sponsored by San Jose State University.

It’s named after the English writer Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, who was born with a name that was too long and who began one book with the words, “It was a dark and stormy night.” (That opening was later stolen by a beagle named Snoopy, who as I recall, lost a subsequent plagiarism lawsuit -- and a multimillion-dollar movie deal.)

I’m proud to say that Southern Californians have captured several prizes in the Bulwer-Lytton. In the category of Children’s Literature, for example, Barbara Bridges of Sierra Madre won last year for this poignant passage: “There was an old woman who lived in a shoe who had so much equity (because our story, dear children, is set in Miami’s hot real-estate market) that she upgraded the exterior to blue suede siding as a tribute to her idol, Elvis, moved her kids to a bootee out back, and then reopened the place as the ‘Are You Lonesome Tonight?’ motel (but you’ll have to wait until you’re 18 to read any further).”

More Bulwer! And L.A. itself has inspired these overwrought writers. A few years ago, Bill MacIver of Berkeley won in the Purple Prose category for this gem: “A single sparkling tear fell from little Mary’s cheek onto the sidewalk, then slid into the storm drain, there to join in its course the mighty waters of the Los Angeles River and, eventually, Long Beach Harbor, with its state-of-the-art container-freight processing facilities.”

miscelLAny: I admit it -- I’ve offered Paris Hilton $10 for a funny column item about her stay in jail.