Police computers go ‘D’oh!’

My buddy Jeff Bliss tipped me to an article in London’s Sun newspaper reporting that police in the Thames Valley area of England have “set their car on-board computers to shout, ‘D’oh!’ like Homer Simpson when they spot uninsured drivers.”

“The automatic number-plate readers also say, ‘Here’s Johnny!’ -- Jack Nicholson’s saying from the film ‘The Shining’ -- when they find a stolen car.

“And if a car is linked to a crime, it plays Dan Aykroyd (LAPD cop Joe Friday in ‘Dragnet’) saying: ‘People like this are a menace to decent society.’ ” The cops said the automated movie referencing “helps their reactions.”

Something’s missing, though. Seems like they should have a special setting for suspected bank robbers: “Show me the money!” from “Jerry Maguire.”

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Chew on this: L.A. writer Tom Greene was pulling into Seligman, Ariz., when he saw a parking sign that he couldn’t figure out. Not, that is, until he saw a nearby restaurant (see photo). Said Greene: “Talk about home cooking.”

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Adventurous dining (cont.): Which reminds me of two unusual menu items I received (see accompanying). Sue Newberg discovered a Santa Barbara restaurant offering an undesirable dining companion.

And, in an Alhambra eatery, David Chan chanced upon what he suspects “is one of those genetically altered farm products we’ve been hearing so much about.” He added: “Perhaps a DNA test of Mickey and Minnie might be in order.”

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Good vibrations: Scottish comic Billy Connolly, a former L.A. resident, can’t figure out why anyone would knock the City of Angels.

“I remember once, I was driving to Warner Bros. to do ‘Head of the Class,’ ” he told Patt Morrison on her KPCC-FM (89.3) radio show, “and I had a hot rod, a baby blue Ford Roadster, a 1939, and I had the Beach Boys on -- ‘Round, Round, Get Around, I Get Around’ -- and I was rolling down the hill in my hot rod, and a guy dressed as Jesus was walking up the hill with a cross and he had a wee wheel at the end of his cross so it wouldn’t wear out on the road.

“This complete Jesus was walking toward me, and I was listening to the Beach Boys in my hot rod coming down toward him and I’m going to Warner Bros., where Bugs Bunny lives, and I thought, ‘Oh, I’m so glad I live here -- this is livin’!’ ”

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miscelLAny: Talk about street smarts. At one time or another, five colleges have bordered Vermont Avenue: USC, Los Angeles City College, UCLA (formerly located where LACC is), Chapman College (originally in Hollywood) and Pepperdine University (originally in South L.A.).

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.