This is never a problem in L.A.

History is about to be made in Alaska, and it has nothing to do with Sarah Palin.

The undefeated Barrow Whalers need one more victory to become the first Arctic high school football team to play host to a top-of-the-world playoff game.

Consider it prep football’s version of the Ice Bowl, but with a twist.

Reports the Anchorage Daily News: “Players are likely to be packing hand warmers inside their jerseys and villagers will definitely be packing heat in case any polar bears show up.”

But not to worry

A polar bear was seen walking the football field’s perimeter two weeks ago, and outdoor practice was canceled Monday because of sightings.

But come game time fans can rest assured.

The polar bear patrol will be slinging rifles and will shoot rubber bullets to scare off any predator considered too curious.

Trivia time

Where did Troy Aikman play his last football game for the UCLA Bruins?

West Coast bias

Writes Jeff Schultz of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “Baseball playoffs: Yankees out, Dodgers in. Imagine this is going over differently in the Steinbrenner and Torre households?”

A pair of (sweet)hearts

Reacting to news that pro poker players Vanessa Rousso and Chad Brown will be married, Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times wonders if children are in their future.

“The smart money’s on two pair or a full house,” Perry writes.

Crunch time

White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen to the Chicago Tribune, on his team’s chances of pulling away from the Minnesota Twins in the AL Central race:

“Those little piranhas are out of teeth now. They’ve been fighting and grinding all year long. They should have little teeth now. It’s time for us to pull them out and win it.”

Trivia answer

Dallas. The Bruins defeated Arkansas in the 1989 Cotton Bowl and a few months later Aikman became the top pick in the NFL draft, going to the Cowboys.

And finally

Miami Herald columnist Greg Cote, on the futuristic look of the Arizona Cardinals’ stadium: “It looks like something George Jetson would have flown into in a 1960s cartoon.”

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pete.thomas@latimes.com