Top 25 rankings

Rankman would first like to issue a blanket statement to those of you who have voiced complaints about their schools -- Iowa, Kansas, Michigan State, Pittsburgh, Illinois, Brigham Young and Texas Tech -- not cracking this year’s preseason top 25:

Your teams were all No. 26.

And Texas is No. 1 because . . . Rankman says so.

Alabama is No. 14 because the head coach has so far failed to confiscate and destroy every game tape of the Sugar Bowl against Utah.

Notre Dame is No. 23 because Rankman desperately needs to boost his Twitter profile. The Irish may not be hit machines on the field, but they are in cyber space.

UCLA is No. 25 for no apparent, legitimate or good reason.

Oregon is ranked too high. Cal is too low: blah, blah, blah.

That’s why they play the games and why we have new rankings every week.

1. Texas

It seems like only four years ago team won BCS title at the Rose Bowl.

2. Florida

So heavily favored to repeat as champion it can’t possibly happen.

3. Oklahoma

With four linemen gone, Bradford might need his uniform washed this year.

4. USC

It’s true, it’s true. Trojans starting a true freshman at quarterback

5. Penn State

Paterno plans on returning to sidelines -- his own, we presume.

6. Oregon

Season opener tonight at Boise State. OK, now we know why Bellotti retired.

7. Oklahoma State

Top-10 team in nation . . . and third-best from the Big 12 South.

8. Ohio State

Nice gesture by Tressel to send Michigan a “Get Well Soon” card.

9. Louisiana State

Les Miles calls police to report No. 10 team missing in AP poll.

10. Mississippi

Rebels at long last fighting for a cause that doesn’t include a Manning.

11. Texas Christian

USC defense got the ’08 hype. TCU defense led the nation.

12. Boise State

Oregon uniforms on blue field reminiscent of early days of color TV.

13. Georgia

Students protest “ridiculously too tough” opener at Oklahoma State.

14. Alabama

Camp ends with brutal last lap around 365-pound Terrence Cody.

15. Virginia Tech

Injury to top running back tempers overblown preseason hype.

16. California

USC has more tailbacks per square foot but not the (Jahvid) Best one.

17. Georgia Tech

Trying to win BCS league with service academy triple option.

18. Utah

Rankman not yet jumping ship, but he may be approaching the plank.

19. North Carolina

Davis close to resurrecting program and leaving again for NFL.

20. Nebraska

Pelini at least has the Cornhuskers thinking about defense again.

21. Florida State

Bowden told by NCAA he won’t have to vacate preseason poll position.

22. Oregon State

Back to rankings sock drawer after best three-year span in history.

23. Notre Dame

It’s now-or-back-to-Tom Brady for fifth-year Coach

Charlie Weis.

24. Nevada

Opener at Notre Dame could make one team’s year . . . and get the other coach canned.

25. UCLA

20-0-1 vs. San Diego State. Tie in 1924 was like kissing Buster Keaton’s sister.