Ellen DeGeneres gets a laugh debunking rocky-marriage rumors

Ellen DeGeneres would like her fans to know that her marriage is just fine, thankyouverymuch, no matter what they’re printing out there.

In an oft-times hilarious monologue on the Wednesday edition of “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” the host, who married actress Portia de Rossi in 2008, describes stumbling over a celebrity tabloid at the hair salon and noticing herself and her wife in the upper right-hand corner.

“I thought, ‘Oh that’s so sweet, they’re honoring us,’” DeGeneres said. “But then I read the headline underneath. And it said: ‘Ellen and Portia Marriage Crumbles.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, what happened? They seemed so happy.’ And then I was like, ‘Wait, I’m Ellen.’ And I should know if that was happening.”

Rumors that their marriage is on the rocks have been circulating for months in less than savory circles, with Gossip Cop debunking one particular rumor in September that had the couple “on the rocks” over real estate and, um, a conversation with Olivia Munn. Whatevs?

DeGeneres, who said she doesn’t Google herself and typically doesn’t pay attention to what folks — i.e., gossip media — are saying about her, felt the need to set the record straight herself this time around, noting that if anything in her personal life needed revealing, she’d be the one telling fans herself, using the platform of her show.

“There’s not one ounce of truth to any of it,” she said. “I’m very happily married. In fact, the only thing we ever argue about is who loves who more. That is all. It really is true.”

They argue about that, she said, and whether it’d be cool to be carried around in a kangaroo’s pouch for a year. Guess which of the ladies would hop to it? Watch the monologue above to find out. And also to hear Ellen set the record straight, in her own words.

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