You can imagine how this might’ve gone down in an alternate universe.
Taylor Swift, fresh from her internet-rattling endorsement of two Democrats running for congressional seats in next month’s midterm elections, takes the stage at the Microsoft Theater in downtown Los Angeles to open Tuesday’s American Music Awards.
She’s wearing an Uncle Sam hat — one of those tall stars-and-stripes numbers — and as her band vamps on the groove from her song “Look What You Made Me Do,” she delivers a lengthy, detailed speech about the scourge of gerrymandering.
Needless to say, this is not what happened here in our world.
Instead, the pop superstar began this most inconsequential of awards shows with an assured but un-thrilling rendition of “I Did Something Bad” — a carefully choreographed routine that likely felt familiar to anyone who caught Swift on her recent world tour, back when she famously kept mum on matters of politics.
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So, a lost opportunity for this newly engaged activist? For sure.
But Swift was far from the only one not trying especially hard in a program, broadcast live on ABC, that seemed built around obligatory performances by artists who’d been assured they’d win something if they just turned up. (For her troubles, Swift — who in an acceptance speech did urge fans to “get out and vote” — was named artist of the year and took home the prizes for tour of the year and favorite pop/rock album; other winners in this fan-voted contest included Camila Cabello, for new artist of the year, and Carrie Underwood, for favorite female country artist.)
Cardi B performs “I Like It” at the American Music Awards.
Singing her forgettable new single “With You,” Mariah Carey was weirdly wooden as she stood there in a shimmery pink gown amid a crew of male dancers putting in much more work than she was.
Post Malone seemed close to falling asleep — closer than usual, that is — as he did a medley of his heavy-lidded hip-hop hits “Psycho” and “Better Now.” And though you could tell she was going for a kind of Broadway-diva grandiosity, Cabello’s dreary “Consequences” sounded like something you’d hear during last call at a suburban wine bar.
No wonder the ungainly trio of Halsey, Khalid and Benny Blanco styled their performance of “Eastside” to look like they were just bumming around somebody’s apartment.
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Why put in a big effort if nobody else is?
There were a couple of exceptions to this low-affect vibe — most notably Cardi B’s lively, colorful take on her summer smash “I Like It” that suggested we’d suddenly been transported to some hopping after-hours Latin club. (Too bad Jennifer Lopez didn’t stay in that club to do “Limitless,” a boring power ballad for which one of pop’s greatest movers wore a boxy power suit.)
And though she might be the least charismatic singer on the Top 40 right now, Dua Lipa mashed up her dance-pop tracks “One Kiss” and “Electricity” in a steamy club scene full of fond memories of 1990s house music.
Erica Campbell, left, and Tina Campbell of Mary Mary perform during a tribute to the late Aretha Franklin at the American Music Awards.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
As always, the AMAs offered tributes to a couple of dearly departed icons, in this case Aretha Franklin and Queen’s Freddie Mercury (the latter of whom is the subject of an upcoming big-screen biopic with ties to ABC’s corporate parent, Disney).
To salute Mercury, Panic! at the Disco did “Bohemian Rhapsody,” which was … fine.
But for Franklin the show actually pulled together a pretty inspired group of performers in Gladys Knight, CeCe Winans and Mary Mary to pay homage to the Queen of Soul’s gospel roots.
They sang hard, digging into “Amazing Grace” and “Mary Don’t You Weep.” They sang like they meant it, dispensing with vanity to channel a funky religiosity.
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They sang, in other words, like they were on some other awards show.
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Taylor Swift accepts the award for favorite pop/rock album for “Reputation” during the American Music Awards at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
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Tracee Ellis Ross, center, speaks at the conclusion of the American Music Awards following a tribute to the late singer Aretha Franklin by Donnie McClurkin, left, Ledisi, Erica Campbell and Tina Campbell of Mary Mary, Gladys Knight and CeCe Winans.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
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Gladys Knight performs “Amazing Grace” during a tribute to the late singer Aretha Franklin, pictured on screen, at the American Music Awards.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
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Gwilym Lee, from left, Rami Malek and Joe Mazzello introduce a performance by Panic! at the Disco at the American Music Awards.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
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CeCe Winans performs “Mary Don’t You Weep” during a tribute to the late singer Aretha Franklin at the American Music Awards.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
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Ledisi performs “How I Got Over” during a tribute to the late singer Aretha Franklin.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
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Donnie McClurkin performs “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” during a tribute to the late singer Aretha Franklin at the American Music Awards.
( on Tuesday, Oct. 9, 2018, at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles. (Photo by Matt Sayles/Invision/AP))
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Erica Campbell, left, and Tina Campbell, of Mary Mary, perform “Old Landmark” during a tribute to the late singer Aretha Franklin.
( at the American Music Awards on Tuesday, Oct. 9, 2018, at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles. (Photo by Matt Sayles/Invision/AP))
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Normani, left, and Liza Koshy introduce a performance by Benny Bianco, Halsey and Khalid at the American Music Awards.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
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Halsey, left, Benny Bianco and Khalid perform “Eastside” at the American Music Awards.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
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Jennifer Lopez performs at the American Music Awards on Tuesday at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
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Vanessa Hudgens speaks onstage during the 2018 American Music Awards at the Microsoft Theater.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Tyra Banks presents the new artist of the year award at the 2018 American Music Awards at the Microsoft Theater.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Camila Cabello accepts the new artist of the year award during the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images)
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Ciara and her dancers perform at the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Ciara performs at the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images)
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Missy Elliott takes the stage at the 2018 American Music Awards at the Microsoft Theater.
(Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images)
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Khalid accepts the favorite male artist -- soul/R&B award from John Stamos and Busy Philipps at the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Camila Cabello performs during the 2018 American Music Awards at the Microsoft Theater.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Lenny Kravitz speaks at the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images)
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Carrie Underwood performs at the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Camila Cabello accepts the award for Favorite Song - Pop/Rock for “Havana” from Evan Ross and Ashlee Simpson onstage during the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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“The Hate U Give” star Amandla Stenberg speaks at the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Amandla Stenberg presents the award for favorite pop/rock album to Taylor Swift for “Reputation” at the American Music Awards.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
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Kelsea Ballerini and the Chainsmokers’ Andrew Taggart, left, and Alex Pall introduce a performance by Post Malone and Ty Dolla Sign at the American Music Awards.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
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Post Malone, left, and Ty Dolla Sign perform at the American Music Awards.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
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Cardi B performs onstage during the 2018 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles.
(Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images)
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Kane Brown accepts the favorite male artist - country award onstage at the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Shawn Mendes accepts the award for favorite adult contemporary artist at the American Music Awards.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associated Press)
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Rita Ora, left, and Constance Wu laugh it up while presenting the award for favorite pop/rock duo or group at the American Music Awards.
(Matt Sayles / Invision / Associatd Press)
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Host Tracee Ellis Ross takes the stage at the American Music Awards on Tuesday at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles.
(Matt Sayles / Invision/Associated Press)
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Host Tracee Ellis Ross performs during the 2018 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Host Tracee Ellis Ross kicks off the 2018 American Music Awards with a show.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Taylor Swift performs during the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Taylor Swift takes a stand at the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Zedd, left, and Shawn Mendes perform during the 2018 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Khalid, left, and Halsey perform during the 2018 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Carrie Underwood wins the favorite female artist -- country award at the 2018 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater.
(Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images)
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British singer Ella Mai performs at the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images)
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Taylor Swift takes the tour of the year award for her Reputation Stadium Tour at the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Taylor Swift accepts the tour of the year award during the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images)
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Mariah Carey performs at the 2018 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater.
(Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images)
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Host Tracee Ellis Ross celebrates during the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Cardi B accepts the favorite artist -- rap/hip-hop award at the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images)
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Sara Gilbert and Thomas Rhett speak onstage during the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Kevin Winter / Getty Images for DCP)
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Post Malone accepts the favorite male artist -- pop/rock award at the 2018 American Music Awards.
(Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images)
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Tyler Joseph of Twenty One Pilots performs at the 2018 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater.
