Marriage and families

A steady trickle of responses taking issue with reader Lori Graham’s letter opposed to same-sex marriage has been coming into The Times’ mailbag since the letter was published May 31. It isn’t atypical for us to run pieces taking Graham’s position, and the letters typically draw one or two replies.

But Graham’s letter — arguing that fathers and mothers have unique roles in raising a child that can’t be replaced by a same-sex couple — touched a nerve. Several of the 13 readers who responded to Graham were offended that we published her submission at all, and their points are well taken.

That said, Graham’s views, no matter how debatable they are, underpin the arguments the proponents of Proposition 8 have made in front of the U.S. Supreme Court. Her letter, I felt, wasn’t beyond the pale.

Here is a selection of letters responding to Graham.

-- Paul Thornton, letters editor

Rebecca S. Hertsgaard of Palm Springs took personal offense at the letter:

“I am deeply offended at this fallacious argument regarding gay parenting and the fact that someone would believe that a child needs both a mother and a father, something gay parenting is unable to provide.

“A woman’s ‘role’ in a marriage? A man’s ‘role’? Besides apparently ignoring the fact that many children are born without benefit of their parents being either married or together, Graham also apparently still believes the arcane notion that fathers can’t provide ‘softness’ and mothers can’t provide ‘protection.’ I raised my children alone for many years, and they thrived.

“I’m just outraged. And I’m not even gay.”

Alan Cook of Altadena references a recent tragedy:

“Graham extols sexism when asking, ‘How does a child keep his or her head on straight when there is either no father or no mother?’

“Any parent, male or female, can provide love and protection, and parental roles have been fluid for centuries. Single parents raise successful kids every day; so do grandparents or relatives. To assume this is an impossibility is absurd.

“Ironically, in the same edition this letter ran, 8-year-old Gabriel Fernandez’s tragic death was reported. Where was the protection and love ‘that only a man could provide’? Where was the ‘love and softness’ of his mother?

“It takes more than a man and woman to raise a kid. You need parents that care. They come in all sizes, sexes and nationalities.”

Moira Niblo Obermeyer of Laguna Niguel sarcastically questioned the letter’s legitimacy:

“Finally there’s proof that you all sit around at the opinion department in the middle of the night and make up ‘letters’ when things get slow and then sign the letter with a name and city of residence that can’t possibly be traced. Pretty funny.

“I didn’t know women couldn’t provide ‘love and protection,’ or that men can’t give ‘love and softness’ (whatever that means). What a surprise to the children I know who have gay parents.”

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