Now Rick Neuheisel isn’t even talking a good game

When I heard UCLA Coach Rick Neuheisel had decided not to speak to the Rose Bowl crowd the other night, I figured he was afraid to turn around and find no one there.

I sure hate to see him stop talking, because if you’ve followed his coaching career at UCLA, it’s what he does best.

For the last three years, win or lose, he would grab the microphone and talk to the remaining fans behind the UCLA bench. I made a point of stopping by just in case he broke out his guitar and started singing “Kumbaya, my friend.”

Since I’m big on comic relief, I thought his pep talks were the highlight of more than one UCLA football game, but I can understand now why he might want to go into hiding as soon as possible.

If you spent any time watching Saturday’s game against talentless San Jose State, you probably need a life.

There really wasn’t much Neuheisel could say when it was over other than maybe, “I saw my whole UCLA career flashing before my eyes when it was 17-17.”

Neuheisel needs to have everything go his way this season, and yet the Bruins lost in Houston. Given the chance to play San Jose State, which was missing its starting quarterback, UCLA came out flat, like a team that already doesn’t care what happens this season.

Maybe, in addition to not talking to the crowd after the game, Neuheisel opted not to talk to his team before the game.

Whatever, Neuheisel says the postgame pep talks became a distraction because the media always wanted to know what he had to say to the crowd.

Now you would think he would want to pass out copies of his postgame chats to the media so reporters could pass them on to everyone not in the Rose Bowl. And that’s a lot of people.

I thought maybe his reluctance to meet with the fans after the game was the first indication Neuheisel was starting to feel the heat, but he says no way.

He says a win over Texas will do wonders for his program, and since that might require a miracle, I put in a call to Tom Lasorda weeks ago.

He agreed right away to save the day. Lasorda not only talks a good game, and talks and talks, but he has the World Series/Olympic resume to back up everything he says.

So Lasorda is going to speak to the Bruins at their team hotel Saturday morning and urge them to beat Texas before they get on the bus to the Rose Bowl.

And when he finds out Neuheisel is no longer talking to the fans behind the Bruins’ bench, I wouldn’t be surprised if he takes his place after the game.

“He’s welcome to be that person if he would like,” Neuheisel says, and if UCLA is successful Saturday, I wonder if Lasorda understands he will also have to join the Bruins in Corvallis, Ore., next week.

As for Texas, most folks remember it as the powerhouse that took a national championship away from Pete Carroll’s Trojans in the Rose Bowl.

But Texas isn’t very good right now, benching its starting quarterback after a 2-0 start against poor teams, with the plan now to alternate young players at the position. Texas also starts a freshman running back.

A win over Texas, though, will mean a lot because of the Longhorns’ national brand and because the UCLA faithful needs some sign of life from the Bruins.

“It’s a great opportunity to play a program like Texas,” says Neuheisel, who understands like everyone else in football this is a Texas team that can be beaten.

It certainly doesn’t figure to be any kind of match for a team that has just gotten a kick in the butt from Lasorda.

Or, this program really is a lost cause.

THE DODGERS, who are on the verge of officially being eliminated from National League West contention with more than two weeks remaining in the season, are feeling really good about themselves.

Is that what it has come to around here?

The Dodgers were downright giddy when they hit the .500 mark, some folks wanting to give credit to Manager Don Mattingly because he has the team playing hard.

Let’s stop right here. Most of these scrubs are down to their last shot as major league players, so they’re going to play hard or they’re going to be looking for work.

“They haven’t quit,” Mattingly says, and although I understand he wants everyone to know he’s doing his job, I don’t believe players quit.

They are bred to be competitive, and they are often insecure, worried the next guy might take their job. They don’t quit; they just aren’t very good in some cases, and when you put a lot of players together who aren’t very good, it appears they quit.

And yet now General Manager Ned Colletti is telling reporters, “I don’t think we’re that far away.”

That says one of two things.

1) Colletti has talked to Frank McCourt and has been told he will have no money to improve the roster.

2) Colletti knows nothing about baseball.

The best guess is No. 2.

When contacted Monday night, he said he has not spoken to McCourt, so I guessed correctly.

This is not a good team. It’s so ho-hum, it has lowered expectations around here so that .500 is now considered a major accomplishment.

Maybe the Dodgers think no one is watching, so they can go back to selling a load of bunk, as if this group is something to build on for next season.

If this is it and no overhaul is necessary, as Colletti says, I guess it’s good to know the scrubs won’t quit

t.j.simers@latimes.com