ISRAEL: ‘Bruno’ burns Israeli and Palestinian analysts

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When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. And when life gives you the editors of Bitterlemons.org, you squeeze them for all they’re worth -- if you happen to be Sacha Baron Cohen.

And squeeze he did, right where it hurts.

Yossi Alpher is a prominent Israeli political analyst, formerly of the Mossad, the American Jewish Committee and the Jaffee Center for Strategic Studies (now the INSS think tank). Together with Palestinian co-editor Dr. Ghassan Khatib, vice-president of Birzeit University, they run bitterlemons.org, an online magazine presenting Israeli and Palestinian viewpoints on issues of concern, mostly related to the conflict and peace process.

Much sought-after for interviews, Alpher and an unnamed Palestinian colleague were not surprised when contacted by a production company and contracted to interview for a documentary that would explain the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to youth. The interview was to be conducted by a German rock star.

They couldn’t have known he was really Sacha Baron Cohen -- better known as Borat -- hunting unsuspecting participants and gathering material for his new film ‘Bruno’ (expected 2009?).

The pair of professional pundits are widely respected commentators and well-versed in the business of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, but don’t really know their rock stars from their moon rocks. The ‘rock star’ -- heir apparent to the retired Borat and based on the character of Bruno, memorable host of ‘Funkyzeit mit Bruno’ on Baron Cohen’s ‘Da Ali G Show’ -- showed up an hour late, a ghoulish thing in leather, studs and heavy makeup. Still, the worthy cause made him forgivable. At first.

Patiently answering rather basic questions about the conflict, the interview went OK. Until one of them had mentioned Hamas.

The rest is best told by Alpher himself, who (gallantly leaving his Palestinian colleague’s name out of it) outed himself in The Forward:

-- ‘Vait, Vait. Vat’s zee connection between a political movement and food. Vy Hummus?’

We exchanged astonished glances. ‘Hamas,’ we explained, ‘is a Palestinian Islamist political movement. Hummus is a food.’

-- ‘Ya, but vy hummus? Yesterday I had to throw away my pita bread because it vas dripping hummus. Unt it’s too high in carbohydrates.’

It was downhill from there.

-- ‘Vy don’t you Jews and Arabs settle the conflict with a timeshare on the land? Ven will you Jews return the pyramids? Vy can’t Jews and Hindus get along?’ These were among the high points of the low interview, during which the duped duo’s request for a break was ignored. ‘We knew something ludicrous was happening but couldn’t quite figure it out,’ says Alpher.

He and his Palestinian fellow-interviewee ‘are not hand-holders.’ But gentlemen they are, and as such silently suffered through a mortifying kum-ba-ya moment too.

‘Yes, dear reader, Sacha Baron Cohen is loose in the Middle East,’ wrote Yossi Alpher. ‘The end product will no doubt be hilarious. We will try to be good sports about it.’

But will Sacha Baron Cohen do the same? Alpher doubts it: ‘He is exploiting our tragic and painful conflict in the most cynical and deceptive manner. I doubt he’ll give us anything in return.’

Funkyzeit in the Middle East -- drinks (where permitted) on Bruno, jokes on us...

-- Batsheva Sobelman in Jerusalem.