Robert Pattinson, object of obsession

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‘TWILIGHT: NEW MOON’ COUNTDOWN

Yvonne Villarreal is a contributor to Hero Complex who may or may not be obsessed with a certain actor who appears in ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon,’ which opens Friday. She sent in this report on a new documentary that promises ‘All Areas Accessed.’

I’ve been doing my homework with the new breathless documentary ‘Robsessed.’

For instance, I now know that when Robert Pattinson was a child, his sisters dressed him up in girls’ clothes and called him Clare.

I also know that Rob is the youngest of three kids, that his father imported vintage cars from the States and that his mum pulled a paycheck as the booker at a model agency. This is important stuff here, revelatory factoids that will help me prepare the all-important small talk when Rob brings me home to meet his parents.

People make fun of Rob’s disheveled hair, but it’s gorgeous chaos if you ask me. It’s more than mere fashion affectation -- ‘Robsessed’ reveals that Rob once won an award at school for the messiest desk. That makes me think he’s a naturally rough-around the-edges soul. It also makes me wonder whether I should have gone to school in England.

Rob was born on May 13, which means he shares a birthday with Stevie Wonder, ‘Maude’ actress Bea Arthur, boxing legend Joe Louis and cult leader Jim Jones,but he has much better hair than any of those people. His middle name is Thomas, which is much better than Clare.

The 70-minute ‘Robsessed’ was directed by Irene Antoniades, who apparently couldn’t get people who know Rob well to sit down for extended interviews. Most of the screen time is given to British magazine editors who’ve had brief encounters with the actor. There are interviews with his acting teacher and former costar Anne Reid (‘The Bad Mother’s Handbook’) but no childhood friends nor any old girlfriends who might have broken up with him (maybe they’re all locked up in insane asylums). A woman who once saw him at a pub gets some air time, which suggests that this isn’t exatcly a Ken Burns production. I myself am not in it, but other “superfans” offer their expert opinion on his dreaminess.

It’s not all sunny tidbits: It shows that Rob was cast to play Reese Witherspoon’s son in 2004’s ‘Vanity Fair,’ but his scenes were -- gasp! -- cut out. And British film critic Kim Newman makes some intelligent points, suggesting the hysteria surrounding Pattinson has more to do with the Edward Cullen than the actor himself. Yeah, right. Put Carrot Top in the movie and girls would be chasing him down the street, too...

I can recommend ‘Robsessed’ because it also includes some early modeling shots of Pattinson in boxer shorts and black socks. The movie also devotes screen time to an in-depth analysis of Rob’s famous coif -- which it weirdly describes as “finger-lickingly good hair”? I can’t wait to ask him about that one.

-- Yvonne Villarreal

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