Shark Week: ‘Perfect Predators’

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Sharks have no known predators -- except for, of course, man, and, in particular, OVERBEARING NARRATION MAN.

Wednesday night’s premiere of ‘Perfect Predators’ on Discovery was a perfect example of medium overwhelming the message, as what was intriguing information about the evolutionary adaptions of several breeds of shark was drowned out by the laughable narration courtesy of Tom Streithorst.

Not only was it overwrought (if I hear a booming reference to sharks’ 400 MILLION YEARS OF EVOLUTION again, my eyes are going to roll straight out of my head), it was also repetitive. And not just the before-and-after the commercial break kind of repetitive, but throughout the show. Hey, guess what? Humans have evolved short-term memory.

Beyond that, however, some interesting facts were revealed in the show. The two most interesting, to me, were the scientists looking for military applications for shark skin. Of all ocean critters, sharks are the only ones that don’t attract barnacles. Why? And can something about their skin be used on naval vessels to prevent barnacle attachment there, and, in turn, reduce the ship’s drag as it plows through the ocean and increase it’s fuel efficiency? Who knew sharks were the Priuses of the ocean?

Second, I liked the comparison between sharks as the top predators of the ocean and lions as the top predators of the savannah. (‘Lion vs. Shark’ would be a great movie. Hey, Troma, I want a cut of the profits.) The verdict as to who would win? Lions might have the edge if they attack as a group, but as solitary predators, sharks are much more efficient and lethal.

Not too shabby for a creature that’s had 400 MILLION YEARS OF --- aiiiiieee.

-- Ann Donahue