‘90210’: The season is ending; let’s all trade lovers

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You didn’t think ‘90210’ could do subtle, didja? Well, Tuesday night’s episode revealed that the attraction between Ethan and Silver, which has been blossoming ever so subtly in the last few weeks, may be about to flower. Also, a hint of a romantic connection between Kelly Taylor and Harry Wilson appeared for the first time. So whereas the previews each week have promised that the inappropriate love connection will be of the Annie-Liam variety, it looks like the real forbidden romance will come from an even more unlikely twosome: Ethan-Silver or Kelly-Harry. (And yeah, that second one sounds a bit far-fetched this early in the game, but that’s how the Ethan-Silver thing started too, remember?)

Anyways, no matter who she ends up with, Silver sure isn’t likely to keep Dixon at this point. Eternal do-gooder Dixon finally appears to be running out of patience for Silver’s antics. Dixon persuaded the entire class to write in Silver’s name for prom queen; then, when Silver won, she pulled a Silver and made a speech proclaiming prom lame in about a million ways. She even -- gasp! -- rejected her crown. Though she didn’t go as far as Lilo’s character in ‘Mean Girls’ and break the thing in half. Dixon was rightfully miffed, and when a giddy Silver announced that she would return to West Beverly after all, Dixon did that sulky thing he does so well and told her to buzz off. Perhaps resident weirdo Silver is just too offbeat to be with clean-cut prom king Dixon. What do you all think?

Naomi’s big sis, Jen, kept up her naughty streak Tuesday night -- and made sure an entire generation of ‘9-0’ viewers will hate her -- by dissing Kelly Taylor. Turns out that when Kel was Jen’s high school guidance counselor, she wrote Jen a scathing letter of recommendation, which Jen later read while getting cozy with the admissions officer at Yale. Hey, this is ‘90210,’ people; how else could she read the thing? Anyways, after her run-in with Jen, Kelly tried to warn Ryan about the ‘narcissist with no moral compass,’ making herself sound like a jealous ex-girlfriend in the process. But Kelly assured Ryan she’s not jealous. That she has moved on. Hmmm. ... Any guesses?

So basically, everybody on the show is about to switch lovers. I watched Tuesday night’s eppy with a ‘90210’ newbie, and as I attempted to catch her up on all the dirt, realized that almost everybody in the show has been linked. Below is a handy-dandy chart. Am I missing any love-connections? As for who will hook up next, just look to see who hasn’t gotten hot and heavy yet.

JEN: ETHAN, RYAN and, from the looks of next week’s preview, LIAM.

LIAM: NAOMI, plus a flirtation with ANNIE and a possible hookup with JEN next week.

HARRY: Just DEBBIE; fingers crossed for a KELLY flirtation.

ANNIE: TY and ETHAN.

DIXON: SILVER. Plus the flirtation with the bisexual cheerleader.

NAOMI: ETHAN, LIAM and OZZIE. Not nearly enough for the high school floozy, actually.

ETHAN: ANNIE, NAOMI, the NERD GIRL he hit with his car. Plus sexual favors in his car from a mystery girl on the pilot.

RYAN: KELLY, BRENDA, the NARC, JEN. Wow, based on my calculations, Mr. Unlucky-in-love-Matthews is the luckiest of the bunch.

SILVER: DIXON, plus a flirtation with ETHAN.

NAVID: ADRIANNA, plus that girl he dated for two seconds before going back to AD.

DEBBIE: Just HARRY.

ADRIANNA: Rehab boy, TY, NAVID.

KELLY: DYLAN, RYAN, hopefully HARRY.

Till next week!

-- Stephanie Lysaght