‘Weeds’: Baby on board

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You almost forget how much trouble Nancy Botwin can get herself in over the course of 30 minutes. I consider ‘Weeds’ the cornerstone of a new genre of television that focuses on how messed up the life of the protagonist can get. In classic television, no matter how bad things get, everything goes back to the status quo by the time the credits roll. In ‘Weeds,’ the episode ends with Nancy several feet lower in the hole she’s dug herself.

‘Weeds’ is back, and it’s firing on all cylinders. We pick up right where season four left off, and each member of the crew falls into step without missing a beat.

Nancy – Yep. Nancy’s pregnant. Her ultrasound photograph managed to save her from getting a ride home from Cesar. She says it is Esteban’s, and she says it is a boy. If any of those things turn out to be false, she might be in a little bit of trouble. I couldn’t help but feel for her, though, when she was stuck in the examination room as three people discussed her procedures in Spanish. Getting probed on an alien ship probably is a pretty accurate comparison. But come on. She’s in a Mexican hospital. What’s the worst that can happen?

Andy – Andy spent most of the episode either high or moping. If only he had squeezed in a little horny, he would have run his whole gamut of emotions. I really wish I could have seen inside Andy’s head about how he imagined his plan for the whole family to escape to Denmark. I’m sure it was very similar to ‘The Sound of Music.’ Lederhosen, singing and Nazis. And for some reason, I picture it animated.

Celia – Trapped in Mexico and held hostage by a daughter she gave up after the pilot episode, Celia is reminded once again that no one likes her. Rudolpho went through her cellphone, calling all her contacts, and not one was willing to chip in for ransom. The quick reference to the economy as an excuse was a nice touch. Almost as good as “some of them say hi.”

Silas – Silas is 18, full of butter cookies and ready to go do some farming. Though the question becomes, “Where?” And no matter what the context of the question, the answer to “Where?” is always “Cleveland.” Just ask Drew Carey, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame or Steamers. Silas originally considers Mexico, but Doug recommends a national park because if you’re gonna break the law, you might as well go whole hog. So Silas heads off for Cleveland National Forest. At least there’s no one for him to fall in love with there.

Shane – Shane’s gone a long way in the last year, or 12 hours of show time. Shane has a new haircut and an earring. He’s hanging out with his two bisexual girlfriends and selling pot in the library. First to students and slowly expanding to teachers. “I have 23 papers to grade tonight, and they’re all on Anne Frank. Do you know how depressing that is?” I can understand why he might be a little reluctant to get shipped away to Oakland to stay with his aunt. But on the other hand, I always love to meet another member of the family.

Doug – How is our favorite ex-CPA, pothead, sexual degenerate? Other than some rope burn around his neck, Doug is doing great. Hitting rock bottom is actually a big help in the world of ‘Weeds.’ It frees you to just wander from scene to scene and comment on everyone else’s life-threatening disasters.

Apparently Nancy drove up from fictional Ren Mar to Hollywood and Highland to catch the Flash Mob spontaneously start dancing. This kind of public performance is getting popular all over the place. It offered a short bit of joy before the reminder that she’s being constantly monitored by creepy old Cesar. And creepy old me. I’m watching too.

-- Andrew Hanson