Ready or Not, It’s Lasorda Time

Tom Lasorda figures to be bigger than ever on the banquet circuit this winter, and as a warning to the nation, here’s a sample of the kind of material he’s been dispensing over the years:

--”You know what jogging’s done for America? Now when a jogger drops dead on the road, he’s in shape. And when a guy at the wake says, ‘He sure looks good,’ his widow ways, ‘He oughta. He ran 3 miles every morning.’ ”

--On his wife: “We’ve been married 30 years and we still go out dancing 3 times a week. She goes Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I go Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.”

--More on his wife: “She told me I loved baseball more than her. I told her she was right, but that I loved her more than football and basketball.”

--On clubhouse food: “Montreal is the worst. The clubhouse guy puts out chicken. I think the way they were killed he starved them to death.”

--”I have only one fault. I lie.”

Add Lasorda: Said Steve Garvey: “I’ve heard all his old jokes--in three languages.”

Billy Martin: “Tell Lasorda he’s going to be shocked when he dies and goes to heaven and finds the Lord has pinstripes on.”

Don Sutton, to reporters interviewing the manager: “You know what you can do with all those notes you took? Shred ‘em and put ‘em around your shrubs at home and watch them grow.”

Trivia Time: Why would it have gone unnoticed if Babe Ruth had gone to the outfield without his glove the way Jose Canseco did once during the World Series? (Answer below.)

For What It’s Worth: Thanks largely to the efforts of former Michigan State stars Magic Johnson and Kirk Gibson, Los Angeles is the first city to win NBA and World Series titles in the same year.

Coming close were New York in 1973, Philadelphia in 1983 and Boston in 1986. After the Knicks, 76ers and Celtics won, the Mets, Phillies and Red Sox came up short.

Would-you-believe-it Dept.: Orel Hershiser wound up with more hits than Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire combined. Hershiser went 3 for 3. Canseco and McGwire went 2 for 36.

From Sally Jenkins of the Washington Post: “Duke Coach Steve Spurrier has unwittingly devalued his own accomplishments through his quarterback, Anthony Dilweg. In just 6 games, Dilweg already has surpassed everything Spurrier did in winning the Heisman Trophy at Florida in 1966.

“Going into today’s game against Maryland, Dilweg has passed for 2,023 yards and 13 touchdowns. Spurrier threw for 2,012 in leading the Gators to the Orange Bowl.”

Trivia Answer: In Ruth’s day, when players came in from the field after retiring the side, they left their gloves on the field.

Quotebook

Al Dunning, sports editor of the Memphis Commercial Appeal, on his problems with the laundry in the Olympic press village at Seoul: “South Korea may be the only place in the world where it’s cheaper to buy a new shirt than get one washed.”