Over the years, Los Angeles has been...

Over the years, Los Angeles has been attacked by all manner of cinematic creatures from below, ranging from 20-foot-long, radiation-mad ants in “Them!” to the murderous reptile of Echo Park storm drains in “Alligator.”

Now comes a real-life production--”The Rats of Bunker Hill!”

But who’s the villain?

The victim, Wells Fargo Center, sent out a memo to tenants declaring, “The Bunker Hill area is experiencing an infestation of rodents due to the Metro Rail Construction.”

Metro Rail spokesman Greg Davy said that’s a bum rat, so to speak.

“Our engineers say we’ve never had that problem,” Davy explained, adding that work crews have never come closer than two blocks to the Grand Avenue office tower.

Wells Fargo’s plight is similar to that of the Beverly Center, which fought an anti-rat campaign in 1987 and announced the final eradication with a flourish--by sending out toy coffins containing candy creatures to the media.

Wells Fargo did not disclose its battle plans except to say that it would provide free extermination service for renters for the rest of this year.

After that, it’s strictly tenants versus rodents.

Politics without smoke-filled rooms? In a slap at tradition, the Public Health, Human Resources and Senior Citizens committee of the Los Angeles City Council approved a measure that would outlaw smoking in all rooms where city business is conducted.

While a current law prohibits councilmanic puffers such as Richard Alatorre from lighting up in the chamber, the proposal would ban smoking in privately owned locations used for city business such as hotel rooms.

Even if all the smoke in the city did lift, what would come into view? Thousands of illegally posted signs and banners as well as an estimated 5,000 vandalized benches. “Our city is being trashed,” said Bill White, director of the Bureau of Street Maintenance, adding that the cleanup is costing the city more than $200,000 a year.

Illegal sign-posting--about 80,000 placards were removed in six months--is a misdemeanor, but malefactors must be caught in the act to be prosecuted. The city attorney, however, is working on a proposal to allow charges to be brought against anyone named in a sign, such as a developer, candidate or nightclub.

Attorney Howard Weitzman called to object to an erroneous statement here last week that a firm of which he is a member--Wyman, Bautzer, Kuchel and Silbert--had disbanded. Sustained.

Robbers have to keep up with the changing technology too.

One well-dressed holdup man, hiding what appeared to be a gun under a blue suit, hit a Van Nuys doughnut shop and a Sun Valley Mexican cafe but came away with nothing because the owners fled and he couldn’t open the computerized cash registers.

Finally, police said, he strode into a North Hollywood doughnut shop and immediately yelled: “Get all your money for me! I’m going to kill you if you don’t give me all your money.”

This time, he got about $70.