If L. Paul Cook ever has trouble...

If L. Paul Cook ever has trouble remembering his wedding date, he’ll have a good excuse.

Cook and fiancee Claudia Ellison will zoom off for Hong Kong tonight aboard a United Airlines jet and they plan to be married just as they cross the International Date Line.

Rather than walk down the aisle, the couple and the minister will simply rise from their seats (no-smoking section) “at the appropriate time,” United spokeswoman Sarah Dornacker said, “seat belt signs permitting.”

Cook, president of a civil engineering company in Los Angeles, explained that he came up with idea for the May 25-26 ceremony when he noticed that the Guinness Book of World Records had somehow overlooked “a category for highest, fastest or longest wedding.”

The groom added: “I suppose you could also look at it as the shortest wedding night in history.”

Down and Out in Malibu (cont.):

Now, radio talk-show host Rush Limbaugh says he is withdrawing his offer to pay for the bus tickets of homeless people who want to visit Malibu on Saturday to test whether the town will provide sanctuary for them. Limbaugh, who is based in New York City, admitted that the operation would be “too dangerous” from a “liability” standpoint, not to mention “cruel” to the homeless.

However, he did advertise a coming ocean cruise in which the guest star will be . . . Rush Limbaugh! He isn’t offering to pay for anyone’s tickets, though.

Many of the runners in a June 10 race in West Los Angeles figure to have wet noses, lolling tongues, bad breath and a tendency to slobber on others.

They’ll be participants in a two-mile race at Rancho Park that features dogs and their masters.

With the reunion of the Fairfax High Class of 1964 set for June 24 at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, organizer Elliott Zwiebach is pleading for volunteers.

To stay away.

The banquet room is already booked to capacity--about 325 people--and more alumni are expected to show up. So Zwiebach is offering a refund of the $50 ticket to anyone who cancels, and is encouraging spouses to do so.

“Spouses wouldn’t have much fun,” he pointed out helpfully.

Judging from the titles of the teen-agers’ projects, many of life’s eternal questions may be answered at the science fair that opens today at the California Museum of Science and Industry at Exposition Park.

Projects range from “How Does Caffeine Affect the Web-Spinning Abilities of Spiders?” and “Do Rats Show Tendencies Toward Right- or Left-Handedness?” to “Can I Forecast the Weather as Accurately as TV’s Weatherman Fritz Coleman?”

Coleman’s challenger, by the way, is Jennifer Strona of Riverside. The station should have expected this tense confrontation. After all, KNBC’s billboards once pointed out:

“Fritz Said It Would Be Like This.”