Finally, It’s Players’ Turn to Do the Wave

Houston relief pitcher Dave Smith and San Diego infielder Tim Flannery are longtime California surfing buddies who are building a house on a parcel of land they bought on the Hollister Ranch north of Santa Barbara.

“It is very private, no telephones, no newspapers,” Flannery told the Houston Chronicle. “Just coastal mountains and great surf. I took Smitty up there, and we went straight for the water. Smitty didn’t even look at the tract of land we were considering. After a lot of great waves, he said, ‘Who do I write the check to and how much?’ ”

Smith said that construction on the home is behind schedule, but said that was understandable.

“We found some surfing carpenters,” Smith said. “We gave them rights to the ranch, and they gave us a great bid. How can we blame them?”

Well, no wonder: Said publicist Richard Griffin of the Montreal Expos, upon hearing that pitcher Pascual Perez had been accused of loading up the ball with an illegal substance: “Pascual Perez is an illegal substance.”

Olfactory observations: Steve Sabol of NFL Films, putting together a special on the Raiders, told the Houston Chronicle that he interviewed John Matuszak 10 days before the former Raider’s death and found him upbeat and typically zany.

“For example, he said he could tell players by the smell of their cologne,” Sabol said. “He knew that Ron Jaworski wore English Leather and Jerry Sisemore used Aqua Velva. Now there’s something you don’t hear from a typical NFL player.”

Trivia time: What NBA players were called the Bruise Brothers?

Right, Coach: Yankee owner George Steinbrenner told the New York Times that he was squarely behind Manager Dallas Green but added, “Certain things he does sometimes make me feel like I’m the principal of the school in the movie, ‘Hoosiers.’ The principal says to the coach, ‘I wish I could understand why you’re doing these things,’ and the coach, Gene Hackman, says, ‘Believe me, I know what I’m doing.’ I hope he’s right.”

A bad spell: From Furman Bisher of the Atlanta Journal: “Sign of the times: ‘Erase illiterussy.’ ”

Trivia answer: Jeff Ruland and Rick Mahorn of the Washington Bullets.

Now-it-can-be told Dept.: When the Toronto Blue Jays were coveting Lou Piniella as their new manager, C. Ray Hall of the Louisville Courier-Journal wrote: “Recently, George Steinbrenner had Piniella slip out of the broadcasting booth to tutor one of his minions on hitting, so that in the event Toronto ended up hiring Lou, he could hold the Jays up for compensation for losing a part-time coach. No fool, this boy Georgie.”

Quotebook: Umpire Larry Barnett, on why he allowed the Baltimore Orioles-New York Yankees game to proceed in dense fog: “You can’t put a tarp over fog.”