The Battle of the Hollywoods was blazing.The...

The Battle of the Hollywoods was blazing.

The local Chamber of Commerce was attempting to trademark the name “Hollywood,” which would have barred a dozen civic namesakes across the nation from using their names in commercial ventures outside their boundaries unless they paid royalties to Tinseltown.

No end seemed in sight.

And, then, it was. . . .

Heeeeere’s John!

The chamber, represented by an attorney with the familiar-sounding name of John Carson, offered to drop the “Hollywood” trademark demand. Instead, it hinted, it might settle for trademarking only logos that reflect the movie capital, such as the HOLLYWOOD sign.

“We haven’t ended the war yet,” said Mara Giulianti, mayor of Hollywood, Fla. “But we have started the peace talks.”

Carson’s firm, by the way, is based in Los Angeles, not Beautiful Downtown Burbank.

If you don’t get enough verbal abuse during the day from other drivers, maitre d’s, government clerks, panhandlers and reporters, you can now call Dial-an-Insult (1-900-2-INSULT). Fun Lines Inc. of Hollywood says its service costs $2 for the first minute and $1 for each additional minute, which is pretty insulting in itself.

Even when they show up on time, they often ignore the speaker, chat among themselves, read at their desks or even sneak out.

Unruly school kids?

No--members of the Los Angeles City Council.

But they were so late for their 10 a.m. session Wednesday that a quorum wasn’t reached until 10:36.

Councilman Hal Bernson threatened to propose allowing “the (council) president to fine members who are not here on time.”

Councilman Ernani Bernardi joked that President John Ferraro should be given the “power to fire councilmen who don’t show up on time.”

Or force them to listen to a few minutes of Dial-an-Insult.

It’s a reminder of a bygone era in L.A. when merchants tried to catch the eye of the ever-increasing number of motorists with buildings shaped like chili bowls, igloos, frogs, coffee cups, pumpkins and dogs.

John Goli hasn’t gone quite that far. But he does keep a beige 1972 Honda in the shape of a hiking boot outside his shoe-repair shop in West Los Angeles. It’s about a size 250 or so.

Naturally, Goli has had to re-sole the giant boot. “It was vandalized once and they stole the rubber off the bottoms,” Soli said. “The sole is now steel painted to look like rubber.”

Law and Order magazine recently held a cop fashion contest and awarded a “dapper-on-duty” special achievement award to the Beverly Hills Police Department.

Would Zsa Zsa have it any other way?