The Agony of Not Being the Best : College Track: Even more painful than his injured hand for Bruin Brian Blutreich was the realization that he would never be the nation’s best.

UCLA shot-putter and discus thrower Brian Blutreich belonged to what may have been the best group of college track and field recruits anywhere when he first arrived at the school in the fall of 1985.

His fellow freshmen included top sprinters Danny Everett, Mike Marsh and Henry Thomas and outstanding pole vaulter Brandon Richards. Some of his classmates went on to achieve distinction, and so has Blutreich--but he hasn’t done nearly as well as he and others had expected.

And to get as far as he has, Blutreich has had to fight the demons of pain and self-doubt.

At Capistrano Valley High School in Mission Viejo, the 6-foot 6-inch, 270-pounder twice won state championships in both the shot put and discus and was ranked as the nation’s best as a prep in both events. In 1986, his personal best mark of 63 feet, 5 3/4 inches in the shot put led the world’s junior amateurs in the 19-and-younger age group.

But the fifth-year senior has never reached the heights in college that he did in high school, and he may never do so. Yet, he hasn’t stopped competing--although he considered it a couple of years ago. He has simply lowered his expectations a little.

He used to want to be the world’s best in the shot and the discus. But after he suffered a severe hand injury in 1986 and a couple of lesser injuries, he says that he’ll settle for being the nation’s second-best college shot-putter and for breaking the UCLA record in the discus.

Weight throwers not only need brute force to do their best, but they also seem to have to be mentally prepared, to psych themselves up, to make maximum efforts.

Blutreich said that before the Mt. San Antonio College Relays in April of 1986 “I was so ready for that meet it was ridiculous.”

He wasn’t ready, however, for the injury he received while he was warming up that day: torn ligaments in his right, or throwing, hand. The bad hand has troubled him since that day, and only now is he nearly without pain. In 1986 and 1987, he was also hampered by pain from a muscle imbalance in his back, caused, he said, “by a lot of power (weight) lifting” without other lifts necessary to strengthen his back muscles.

But the injuries didn’t keep him from setting UCLA freshman records of 60-2 1/2 in the shot put and 190-9 in the discus in 1987, his first year of college competition.

In 1988, he was third in the discus and fifth in the shot at the Pacific 10 Conference meet and third in the discus and 12th in the shot at the NCAA meet. Last year he had his best season as a Bruin, winning the discus and finishing fourth in the shot at the Pac-10 meet and finishing third in the shot and fourth in the discus in the NCAAs after hurting his knee in the national meet. In 1989, his discus throw of 199-8 was a personal record which put him in fourth place on the all-time Bruin list.

This year he hopes to break John Brenner’s school record of 208-2 in the discus, but he thinks Brenner’s school mark of 71-11 1/4 in the shot is beyond him.

Those goals may seem modest for an athlete who came to UCLA with so much promise, but Blutreich is thankful that he has any goals at all in his sport.

He said he has been through “a lot of very depressing times” because of his injuries and that there have been times “when I had the phone in hand and was ready to tell” UCLA weight events Coach Art Venegas that “I was going to retire.”

He said that at those times he felt he had had “enough success that I could quit and be happy. It was very frustrating that I was doing so badly and (others in his sport) were (doing well).

“In 1987 and 1988, I felt worthless mentally and physically and had no confidence.”

His hand injury, he said, was the worst “a shot-putter can have. You generate so much energy and power from your legs, and it all comes out through the hands . . . I was way in the dumpster.”

He said he thinks he got a leg out of the dumpster when he won the Pac-10 discus championship last year. “Maybe that was a turning point for this season.”

He said, however, that his years of depression were good for him in a way because “I grew up a lot during those times (and became) a better person for it. I developed a lot of patience.

“A lot of people thought I was taking drugs because I was not doing well, which gets you upset. . . . A lot of people really gave up on me, but not Art (Venegas) or my parents, who were very supportive.”

Blutreich said he also feels better this year because he lost 20 pounds since last season while improving his strength-to-weight ratio. “Your muscles mature as you get older, and you don’t have to weigh as much.”

Thoughts of being the world’s best no longer weigh heavily on his mind, either.

Venegas said that last weekend Blutreich finished fourth in the shot put at the NCAA indoors championships at Indianapolis, posting a career-best mark of 61-8 1/4. Mike Stulce of Texas A & M won the meet with a heave of 70-6 1/4.

Indoor meets, Venegas said, are “just for exercise, to have fun out there” but that Blutreich’s toss “points to some very good throws outdoors this season.”

Probably not good enough to beat Stulce in the NCAA meet, Venegas said. He said that Stulce, ranked fifth in the world in the shot put, “is by far the most dominant athlete in that event. Our goal is to take second behind Mike Stulce, to go 65 feet or better this year. But we’re not giving up the possibility of winning; stranger things have happened.”

A more reasonable goal for Blutreich would be to take the NCAA discus championship. The discus, Venegas said, presents “more of a chance for upsets, is more of a crap shoot” because of such variables as wind conditions.

Blutreich said that, though his bad hand still bothers him a little, he feels he has overcome many “mental barriers” and is ready to “start competing again. I’m aggressive and competitive, and I’m getting a lot more confidence.”

Venegas says he makes it a rule not to praise “a competitor for competing” but that Blutreich “handles all those doubts in his mind real well.”

“There’s no reason in the world that he shouldn’t hit 65 feet (in the shot) this year,” the coach said, and “I think he’s got a legitimate chance at the school record in the discuss.”