MAKING IT WORK : Discipline Without Punishment

There’s a big difference between discipline and punishment, says Sue Roth, a licensed clinical social worker who leads workshops on “positive parenting” for Parenting Resources Inc. in Tustin. Discipline helps children learn how to make good choices so they can exercise self-discipline as adults, while punishment teaches them to make decisions based on whether or not they think they will get caught, she explains. Roth offers the following guidelines for effective discipline:

* Be a good listener. When you feel unjustly treated, you want someone to understand and acknowledge your point of view. That’s what your children need from you.

* Find a way to reduce stress--by exercising or taking more time for other activities you enjoy--so you won’t subject the kids to angry outbursts they don’t deserve.

* Spend relaxed time with your children without making any demands. Then it will be easier to win their cooperation when it’s time to get things done.

* List chores on a chart and offer rewards for following through. If a child forgets something, you can point to the chart instead of nagging.

* Make sure your demands are realistic, and allow for imperfection when you are trying to introduce new habits. The effort is what counts.