ANAHEIM : Care Givers Get Advice From Class

Families who take home an ailing, elderly relative often don’t realize the enormous emotional upheaval and physical demands they will face, says a nurse who formed a series of classes to help them.

“We saw it in the glazed eyes of people who were taking a loved one home from the hospital,” said Sue Bermond, a nurse at Anaheim Memorial Hospital. “With mixed emotions they said, ‘Oh great, Mom gets to go home, but what do I do now?’ ”

To help these families, Bermond organized classes at the hospital as a free service. Nurses, a social worker, an occupational therapist and pharmacist teach the three-session course entitled “Labors of Love.”

“We teach things like how to make an occupied bed or how to put a bedpan under someone, things that we as nurses take for granted but are Greek to the lay public,” she said.

“People come to the class with all types of crises. They’ve taken loved ones home; now they’re trying to deal with the situation, whether it’s a chronic illness or a short-term condition such as a broken hip.”

The demands can drain family members until they become ill themselves, said Dee Carlin, the hospital’s director of social work. “The reality is that this is a job that is 24 hours a day, 365 days a year with no vacations.”

Most often, it is a daughter who ends up taking care of elderly parents, Carlin said. “What you see is a role reversal. Often, she has to tell the parent when to eat or take a bath. The daughter feels as if she’s caught in a no-win situation because she doesn’t know which role to play: parent or child.”

Carlin advises that before people make the decision to take an elderly parent home, they consider the parent’s wishes as to where he or she would like to be; the parent’s personality, routine and quirks, and the receptiveness of others in the family.

For Mary Kay Berg, 36, a mother of two from Anaheim, the decision to care for her 60-year-old mother at home was a personal one. Although she has four siblings who live locally, she said, “I felt that I was the one who had to take care of her. I wanted to, and I don’t have any regrets so far.”

Berg started caring for her mother about a month ago, just after the mother’s problem was diagnosed as a cancerous brain tumor. In less than two weeks, the tumor caused her to become totally blind.

Berg said she attended the classes at Anaheim Memorial because “there’s so many things I’m unsure about. I felt if I knew what to expect, then I could deal with it better. I don’t like surprises.”

Aubrey and Emily Van Verst of Anaheim were among the elderly couples who attended the series of classes simply to plan for the future.

“We’re in our 80s, and we need to know how to care for each other,” Emily Van Verst said. “We’re at that age when things can happen.”